


Nocturnal Creature

by Ice_CherryBombedbyTY



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcohol Withdrawal, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drug Abuse, Drug Withdrawal, Insomnia, Introspection, Lucid Dreaming, M/M, Nightmares, Novelette, Nursing, Pyrophobia, References to Depression, Smoking, Smut, TaeWoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-28 19:57:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18212903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ice_CherryBombedbyTY/pseuds/Ice_CherryBombedbyTY
Summary: Taeyong felt his life was spiraling downward while trying to fight his depression and battling his fears. He was a successful novelist but was also an alcoholic/drug addict. His manager/publicist Johnny thought enough was enough so he hired a nurse for Taeyong to go into a withdrawal program much to Taeyong's dismay and disapproval. But then he meets his new nurse, Jungwoo and things got a little more complicated.





	Nocturnal Creature

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys! it's been a while since i posted here. anyway, here's a taewoo longish one-shot i wrote a early this month and originally published in wattpad. it was inspired by a mutual of mine @ fakesamurai (wattpad writer) who has always helped me a lot in many ways, and brought about by taewoo sharing that dang seat and during that vlive when they were lying on the floor alsfjldsj. anyways, i hope you like it. please share your thoughts coz i always love to hear from you. thank you! have a wonderful weekend! much love! - ice <333

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_**Pyrophobia** is a fear of fire, which can be considered irrational if beyond what is considered normal. This phobia is ancient and primordial, perhaps since mankind's discovery of fire._

 

 

_Taeyong stood in the middle of the dark hallway lined with several doors, its walls adorned with faded floral wallpapers which curled at its edges and its corners curved downward. He raked his fingers through his ash grey hair, trying to gather his thoughts. He was supposed to do something but exactly what it was escaped him._

_Taeyong's gaze fell upon the flickering lamp by door at the end of the hall and instinctively knew he should reach it urgently. Taeyong walked towards it steadily, taking long strides to approach the last room in the narrow hall. But no matter how briskly or determined his steps were, it appeared as though he were walking on an endless treadmill. He couldn't for the life of him, gain any ground. Strange he thought, looking down on the hardwood floor that seemed to remain fixed even as he took his steps. Moreover, he had no idea why but the air suddenly felt hot and dry._

_When he looked up, Taeyong realized the hall had stretched even longer and corners appeared all of a sudden, transforming it into a huge maze. He blinked and cocked his head in confusion. He began to feel frightened, a sense of foreboding befell him with the necessity to make haste. Taeyong hurried thru the hall, ignoring the other forking hallways and decided to turn at the last corner with intuition his only guide. He had to find that door and he must locate it before... before... what? Taeyong frowned, trying to reflect on his next move._

_Then it happened, black smoke started curling up in the air, seeping through the cracks under the doors, snaking upward and darkening the already dimmed area. Taeyong coughed trying to expel the slowly accumulating smoke in his lungs while he trekked within the maze. He peered through the thick grey smoke trying to discern which direction to go while covering his mouth with his hands._

_Taeyong rushed forward hoping to escape the suffocating smoke but ended up in a dead end. He turned to go back the other way, however flames suddenly roared up from underneath the floorboards to block his path. He shuddered in fear, staring horrified at the dancing flames that quickly spread out towards him. He stepped backward, trying to avoid the snaking blaze creeping up the walls to form a solid wall._

_Taeyong's eyes darted left and right, trying to locate a safe path away from the conflagration but he was trapped. He choked on his breath, barely able to breathe from the thick blackened smoke and watched aghast as the flames spread forth to lap at his feet and slowly engulfing him. He screamed._

"Taeyong..."

A masculine voice called out and Taeyong jolted, startled at hearing it through his alcohol infused mind to break free from his sleep. Finally he was able to peel his eyelids open, slowly returning to a conscious state.

"Taeyong? Please wake up."

The soft but firm voice tried to break through Taeyong's fogged up state of mind. He struggled to lift his head to stare at the hazy figure, trying to discern where he was. Taeyong tried to shake off the familiar dream from his head, taking in deep breaths and returning to awareness and reality.

"Ugh..." Taeyong held his head in his hands, trying to still his swimming vision after opening his eyes.

"Are you alright? You were mumbling in your sleep."

"I'm... I'm fine," Taeyong managed to speak up, avoiding the bartender's gaze.

"We're past closing time. You should go home and rest, Taeyong," the tall elderly man, who wore a look of compassion on his face, reached over to gently tap on Taeyong's arm when the latter was about to dip his head once more. "My boy here will call you a cab."

The bartender nodded at the stocky young busboy who settled the tray of beer bottles down on a table nearby to help Taeyong up. Taeyong groaned, clutching at any solid structure he could hold onto as he wobbled on his feet after sliding off the bar stool. "Let's go, Mr. Lee. I will call the cab for you."

The busboy held onto Taeyong's arm to secure him while they walked out of the bar. Taeyong caught a whiff of the evening breeze and it seemed to settle the sudden desire to hurl. He took deep breaths to calm and stabilize his innards.

"Mr. Lee, I know it isn't my place but you really shouldn't drink too much, sir. You've been here frequently for the past six months since I began working here," the busboy said with a tinge of admonition in his voice. "But lately you come here every single day."

"You're right, kid. It's none of your business," Taeyong said surprisingly without a slurred voice. Taeyong disengaged himself from the boy and stood firmly on his two feet, or at least tried to. "I can take care of myself. I'll walk this off, you can go back in now."

"No, wait! I'll get you a ride home sir," the boy objected, still trying to hold onto Taeyong.

"I said, I'll walk," Taeyong insisted. The boy shook his head and watched Taeyong saunter away as briskly and steadily as he could but failing miserably to do so. He ignored the protests from the young man, lumbering his way in a zigzag toward the general direction of where he knew he lived. It was indeed a few blocks away to his apartment building and he maintained the notion in his head that he was capable of walking home in his present state. The busboy shrugged and went back inside the bar after Taeyong disappeared from his view.

Taeyong walked with determination despite his feet feeling like lead and gauged it to be well past midnight with very few people visible on the sidewalk. Taeyong swooned a little, peering at the empty street ahead when he turned into the corner.

One moment he was crossing the street and the next he was being pulled forcibly back and felt himself falling to land on somebody else rather than the pavement. Meanwhile a car sped by, making itself known by the loud angry honking of it's horn.

"Ooff... what th-will you watsh it?" Taeyong heard himself complain with a slight slur as he tried to untangle himself from the strong grasp on his arm.

"You should have minded the oncoming car," the soft voice murmured. "You could have been run over. It would be a waste to see that pretty face splattered on the street."

Confused at the beginning but then he realized how the car barely missed him. If it weren't for this person's quick thinking his innards would have decorated the gravel. However, he wasn't the type to easily admit his weaknesses especially to a complete stranger.

Taeyong scowled and focused on the face framed by pale orange blonde locks beneath him while managing to keep himself from spewing his guts from the sudden movement. He took in the large almond eyes hooded by well defined brows staring back at him. The aquiline nose and voluminous lips which turned up slightly at its corners that dipped within the fullness of the young man's cheeks was a contrast to the delicate, almost pointy chin. Taeyong steadied his breathing and ungainly stood up after the young man beneath him let go of his arm.

"Are you alright?" the young man asked worriedly while he picked himself up from the sidewalk.

"I... yes," Taeyong responded curtly.

Taeyong studied his purported rescuer while said stranger was dusting himself off. The enchanting face with the dark eyes stared back at him. Something about those innocent looking eyes bothered him, raising an unexpected familiarity. He was unsure if it was in a good or bad way.

"Thanks, I guess," Taeyong murmured after a moment.

"You're welcome," the orange-haired boy said with a small smile. "Next time you should be more careful. You seem... uhm..."

"I'm not that drunk," Taeyong retorted, miffed at the awkwardness of the situation.

"I was about to say mildly incapacitated," was the stranger's quip with a twinkle in his eyes.

Taeyong didn't know how to respond, not being used to this buoyant personality. A cheerful and witty one, with a beautiful face to go with it. Not to mention a well defined physique. Very attractive. _What the...?_

"Anyway, thanks," Taeyong began. "I should... go."

Taeyong turned and spun too fast, resulting in making him dizzy with the world spinning around him. He swooned, almost returning to the stone pavement but was caught by the taller boy to steady him.

"I don't think you can walk by yourself," he said. "Let me call a cab for you."

"I... I'm fine," Taeyong cleared his throat, his breath catching as he whiffed the woodsy scent of the boy, reminding Taeyong of a forest during springtime. "I live nearby. I can... walk."

"Then I'll walk with you," he said decisively.

"You don't have to, really," Taeyong protested but the boy didn't let go of his arm.

"Please point the way."

Taeyong stole a glance at his companion with a frown. He wasn't in the mood to promote amiability but this boy had this aura that made one forget one's annoyance. Taeyong surprised himself when he merely nodded and jutted his chin to indicate straight ahead.

They walked along the sidewalk in silence with the orange-haired boy supporting him while Taeyong struggled to walk straight. Taeyong stopped in front of a twin condominium building after two blocks. Then he said while motioning with his thumb, "this is... where I live."

"Alright, let's go in," said the boy.

Taeyong arched his eyebrows in bewilderment. "I'll be fine, thanks. You don't have to go up with me. We don't even know each other."

The stranger blinked, seemingly startling himself as well. "I'm sorry, I realize I must seem like a suspicious stranger. But I do know..."

"I didn't think that. I didn't mean to sound distrustful," Taeyong said quickly, trying to recover from his blunder. "What I'm saying is I just don't want to bother you anymore. Uhm... thank you for your kindness."

The attractive boy smiled brightly with a vigorous nod. Taeyong did his best to keep his eyes from those full lips. They looked luscious and tantalizing.

"Alright, no worries. I suggest you drink tomato juice tomorrow, spiked with ginger," was the soft reply from the pretty boy while he let go of Taeyong's arm. Then he gave Taeyong a little wave after saying, "goodbye! Be more careful next time."

"Thanks," Taeyong gave the stranger a small smile then entered the building. The doorman greeted him while Taeyong went in, not even sparing the boy a final glance. It was when Taeyong was finally inside his luxurious apartment, spread out on his black leather couch that he realized he didn't even ask the boy's name, surprising himself that he regretted it.

He didn't bother changing his clothes, let alone taking a shower. Taeyong could care less, and it didn't matter anyway, he thought as he lit a cigarette with his electronic flameless lighter. He took a long draw from his cigarette and expelled it after a moment. He watched the smoke rise up above him, seemingly mesmerized by the white smoke as it curled up to slowly dissipate in the air. He had no idea why but it soothed him somehow every time.

Taeyong turned his head to glance at his father's photograph above the mantle before him. Ironic as it was, while Taeyong was pyrophobic his father was a firefighter. He was a hero and well respected in their community, meanwhile Taeyong thought of himself as a complete and utter failure. Disregarding his own success as a celebrated mystery writer, Taeyong believed he had nothing to be proud of. He was a drunk, an addict and constantly depressed. He barely managed to keep himself sane and often asked himself if he was indeed crazed.

He knew he had to 'fix' himself, as his publicist slash manager Johnny Seo always reminded him. But what Johnny didn't understand were the demons Taeyong perpetually fought with residing in his head. It was a constant battle for him to retain his sanity, barely managing to keep his dream world away from his reality. He never knew exactly why. Or perhaps he did but was afraid of facing his fears. Since Taeyong was a teenager he struggled with a recurring nightmare which plagued him almost every time he fell asleep. Later on as the years added onto him, he slowly avoided proper sleep for fear of dreaming about being consumed by flames in a hallway, thus slowly turning himself into an insomniac.

When Taeyong reached his adulthood and after graduating from the uni, his mental struggle had become worse. There were countless times when forty-eight hours would pass by Taeyong without even a shut-eye and he would do nothing but drink, smoke and write. Somewhere in between he would occasionally pop one or two pills, not counting his anti-depressants. His excuse was it helped him write. But he knew he was lying to himself.

Lately, he had also become dependent on his 'candies'. The psychiatrist he had been regularly visiting had him popping pills into his mouth like they were indeed candy. Still, 'dreamless' sleep eluded him. He was a mess, and he knew it.

The small antique clock sitting beside his father's portrait over the electric fireplace mantel chimed one past midnight. Taeyong doubted he would catch any sleep anytime soon. That little nap on the bar counter was the longest he had since yesterday. Or at the very least that was how he felt. He didn't want to think of anything that reminded him of why he had become this way. He would rather forget. He should forget. But he never did and never could. Perhaps he really did not want to.

He wondered then if it weren't for the boy who had saved him earlier, Taeyong supposed he would have been reunited with his father by now. But he would have hated it if he met his father in the afterlife in such state. Taeyong only wanted him to be proud and he hoped his father wasn't looking down on him to see the utter wreck he was now. He was always grateful for his father passing on to see him graduate from college to become an accomplished novelist.

Mr. Lee never knew what had become of his only son nor had any knowledge of how much of a disturbed child he was. Taeyong made absolutely sure of that. All his father was aware of were his recurring nightmares. That was purely understandable. However they never discussed it, even when his father would come to his room to embrace and comfort him during those nights Taeyong would scream into waking up in the middle of the night. It was an unspoken agreement between the two of them never to talk about the fateful night which obviously caused it. Taeyong had long since tried to bury the memory of it but was always unsuccessful.

Taeyong sighed and suppressed his thoughts about his father. His mind strayed back to the boy he met earlier. Something in him bugged Taeyong and he couldn't put a finger on it. Had he seen or met him somewhere but failed to realize it? Although, it wasn't only the feeling of familiarity that piqued his interest. It was something else. Attraction? Maybe.

It had been a while since he had any sexual relations since his ex-boyfriend had dumped him. Becoming attracted to a complete stranger was so unlike him. Taeyong mostly shied away from any form of dating or proclivity to sexual relations. However, he wondered at himself for being immediately having an interest with a total stranger. It mildly surprised him.

Taeyong couldn't blame his movie actor ex-boyfriend falling for another co-star in the film based on a book he had written, ironically. He knew he had been immensely lacking in many areas. Besides, that boy needed somebody more worthy than he. Admittedly, he had been neglecting his relationship and was well aware of this. He could hardly take care of himself, what more another human being who had needs as well. Still, losing someone you thought you loved was like adding salt to an open wound in his depressive state. He still haven't even fully recovered from the break-up but forced himself to move on. He had bigger issues than his petty heartache.

It took several hours of staring at the crystal chandelier which hung from the plastered ceiling and half a pack of cigarettes before he returned to a thankfully dreamless sleep. Another surprise.

***

 

"Thank you, Mr. Lee. You're really so handsome in person, not like your photos in magazines and book covers. They really don't do you any justice. Oh, I love, love, love your books. They make me feel so alive and intrigued. The suspense and the mystery just makes me feel wanting more. I can't wait for your next novel," the bespectacled young lady with a single dimple gushed. Taeyong blinked at the girl as he handed her the signed hardbound book.

"Thanks, I guess," said Taeyong who forced a smile. He barely kept himself from frowning and slightly shook his head as the girl uttered her thanks and bowed deeply before grinning from ear to ear. He recognized the girl. She had been to every book signing event his publisher had ever held. And she was always the last in line. She would try to speak to Taeyong longer than necessary but Johnny would shoo her away. Not obviously of course, and not surprisingly like today.

"Alright Ms. Go, you had your _9th_ book signed. Thank you for coming and reading Mr. Lee's mystery series Shadow: The Dream-walker. But Mr. Lee needs to rest now," said Johnny with a knowing grin and mildly condescending tone which was almost unnoticeable.

Taeyong nodded when the little lady gave him a quick wave before turning to leave. Taeyong stood up from the table and swooned. He would have fallen on the floor if he hadn't been caught by Johnny, much to the latter's chagrin.

"Damn it, are you buzzed? Did you take pills when you went to the boy's room?" Johnny spat into Taeyong's ear, disguising it with a smile.

Taeyong groaned, holding onto his head to still his suddenly reeling vision. "I guess I did."

""Ugh, obviously. Your eyes are puffy and red again. You obviously had a lot to drink before taking a shower. Fuck this Taeyong. You're a mess. This has to stop. We need to fix you," Johnny said with a stern voice.

"I guess you're right. I am... broken," Taeyong said with a smirk.

Johnny scowled at his friend and led him out of the book store to make their way thru the milling bystanders and several fans to the parking lot, away from the prying eyes.

"I'm done Taeyong. This is too much. You're often either drunk or drugged. You're ruining yourself and I'm not going to stand by and watch you waste your life away like this," Johnny scolded Taeyong once they were out of earshot.

Back at Taeyong's apartment, Johnny continued his discourse and Taeyong just about had it. However his guilt kept him from complaining. He knew he was at fault and his manager and only friend was worried to death. He sighed as he sank onto the couch and dug a pack of cigarettes from his jacket. Taeyong was about to light it when what Johnny said caused him to pause mid-way.

"Look, we both know I can't send you to a rehabilitation center without damaging your reputation even more, and risk losing publishers. Very few people know of this and luckily everyone who does genuinely care about you enough to shut their mouths. Including your ex-boyfriend," Johnny declared sitting beside Taeyong as he did. Johnny took the cigarettes from Taeyong's hands and shoved them in his pocket. Johnny grabbed Taeyong's shoulders and forced the latter to look at him.

"Taeyong, you're not only my client. You're my best friend and I only want you to be happy and healthy. This is a battle and you're not fighting it alone. I'm with you all the way. But you have to promise me, you have to help me help you. Alright? I don't want to lose you, man," said Johnny candidly. Taeyong didn't respond but nodded with a resigned sigh.

"So, you'll be willing to help yourself too? You will agree to flush out all the bad stuff?"

"I... I'll try," Taeyong said earnestly. Johnny smiled, almost teary-eyed.

"Good enough for me. We will require a professional who will be discreet to stay here and help you to at least detoxify. We'll take care of your body first, before your... other... stuff. I have a cousin who works at a rehab in Busan who know people and I'll have him send someone trustworthy who'll be taking care of you 24/7 and to help you. Alright?"

"Alright. Now give me back my cigarettes."

Johnny merely rolled his eyes at him and continued on a tirade about quitting smoking.

Johnny's words hardly registered but Taeyong shrugged, nodded in acquiescence. Now wasn't the time to argue with him, thought Taeyong. He could barely think straight let alone protest Johnny's commands. Taeyong had to admit to himself he was slowly heading into a train wreck. Perhaps it was time he straightened out his life. Besides, Taeyong still had some packs of cigarettes in his bedroom he can smoke later, after Johnny left.

***

 

_Taeyong walked thru the familiar hallway with walls that had the peeling floral wallpaper. Subconsciously he knew that he had to walk toward the end of it but he felt sluggish and lethargic. His senses however were heightened, feeling a chilly draft run through his body. Oddly, Taeyong noticed a door to his right had light shining through the crack underneath it. Taeyong frowned, knowing it was the first time he had seen this. It was also the first time he had become quite conscious that he was dreaming. Strange._

_Curious, Taeyong strode over and turned the knob to take a peek and the door opened to reveal a large room. It was empty save a four-poster canopied bed set in the middle, the moonlight shining through the dusty window pane the only illumination. Taeyong crossed the threshold and entered. One moment he was standing staring at the bed, and the next he was lying on it completely naked with his limbs spread outward. Taeyong gasped at his lack of clothing. What's happening, he thought while wondering at the turn of events in his new dream. Then his eyes fell toward the foot of the bed where a tall shadowy figure hovered quietly, staring at him. His heart began racing. What was the figure's intention? Taeyong opened his mouth to inquire, but his voice but he failed to enunciate. Rather, a soft croak came out of his mouth._

_The figure suddenly floated toward him, and Taeyong let out a silent scream. Was he seeing correctly? The 'creature' had wings and little horns on his head. It gave a little laugh while flicking it's tail about. Taeyong couldn't move. He was frozen stiff while staring at the dark figure hovering above him. He could barely make out the features as his vision seemed to fail him. However, what he saw clearly was it's blurred face coming close to his._

_Taeyong caught his breath and stared wide-eyed in horror as the creature stuck it's sleek tongue out to let it slide lustily over his chin and onto his parted lips. Taeyong choked. He still was immobilized, unable to wrestle free from his invisible restraints._

_Taeyong whimpered when he felt the tongue travel down to his neck, wet and warm on his skin. He tried once more to break free from the unseen ties that bound him, jerking wildly at the sensation of the same tongue lightly flicking over his nipple, toying with it. Taeyong squirmed at the erotic sensation and was astonished with himself that he began finding it almost wanton and pleasurable. He closed his eyes and shuddered from the fusion of wild reactions the lewd act evoked from him, the sensations being revolting and yet somehow amatory at the same time. Taeyong gasped then when the creature went further downward to his abdomen, biting and nipping on his flesh. Involuntarily, he could feel the hardening in his groins which shocked his very core. It was inconceivable that he was becoming aroused by what seemed to be some sort of demon. An evil nocturnal creature who appeared to be ravishing him. But how did he know it was evil? Taeyong's heart skipped a beat. Was he defending this creature to himself? He would have delved more into such improbable thought but all logical reasoning fled him by what he felt._

_When the slippery tongue touched the tip of his cock, Taeyong's eyes flew open and quivered at the sight of the faceless figure going down on him. It's claw-like hands caressing the length of his body while he did. Fire in his belly began burning, kindled by the tongue grazing around the head in a titillating manner. By this time Taeyong wanted to cry out and protest from such abuse but part of him admitted to succumbing to the undeniable pleasure rushing all over him. Taeyong whined when he felt the mouth enclose on his member and slowly sucking on it. The creature's mouth felt warm and soft, while it slid up and down on him in a sleek and slow motion._

_Taeyong began feeling weak as he surrendered to the lascivious delight he derived from this creature. All thoughts gone except for the growing desire for gratification, his body tensing up._

"Taeyong! Dammit, wake the fuck up!"

Taeyong felt himself being shaken vigorously, almost violently as he slowly peeled his eyes open to awaken fully, escaping from his disturbed slumber. His gaze focused on Johnny who looked pale and worried to death.

"Oh thank God. You're awake," Johnny sighed and let go of Taeyong who sat up on his bed.

"I am now, obviously," was Taeyong's retort. "Why the hell did you have to be so rough?"

"You were fucking whimpering and choking! You should have seen yourself turning blue just now," Johnny said in his defense. "Jeez, you gave us a scare."

"Us?" Taeyong asked as he raked his hands through his soft ash blonde hair, trying to calm himself and shake off his lucid dream from his head.

"Yes, _us_ ," Johnny confirmed, pointing behind him with his thumb at the tall young man behind him. "This is Nurse Jungwoo. He will be the one to help you ah... through your recovery."

Taeyong blinked and couldn't believe himself when his eyes fell on the said nurse only to recognize him. "Y-you?!"

"Hello again, Mr. Lee," Jungwoo replied with a smile. "You remember. Yes it's me, from the other night. Kim Jungwoo, your new nurse."

Taeyong shook the nurse's hand absentmindedly as he gaped at Jungwoo. How can the world be so small, thought Taeyong wryly. "I do recognize you. I... remember you well enough."

"You two know each other?" Johnny said, a quizzical expression on his face.

There was a short pause before Taeyong could respond to Johnny's question, unwilling to share the little incident that led to their meeting. "We... met the other night after..."

"We ran into each other at the ba-restaurant a few blocks away," Jungwoo supplied hurriedly, noting how Taeyong had become uncomfortable. Taeyong looked at Jungwoo with a hint of gratitude. "I recognized Mr. Lee from pictures in his novels."

Taeyong whipped his head to glance at Jungwoo, mildly surprised that the latter didn't mention this fact the night before. He wondered if this Jungwoo really read his books.

"I see," Johnny said casually but obviously suspicious. Then he continued, "anyway, since you too are already acquainted I'll leave you to it. I have a meeting with a different publisher who is offering for a higher bid than our old one. As we discussed, we're going to try to get a good deal. Otherwise, we'll scratch them out."

Taeyong watched Johnny apprehensively as the latter stood up and motioned to leave. "Uhm will you be back later? We all can have dinner or something."

Johnny looked at Taeyong with raised eyebrows. "I... guess I'll try. I have another meeting later in the afternoon. Don't worry, Jungwoo will take care of you, alright?"

Taeyong nodded, avoiding Jungwoo's steady gaze. He stood from the bed and walked Johnny out the front, followed by Jungwoo. Johnny bid his final goodbyes as he headed for the door and promised to send a message if he was indeed joining them.

A short silence fell upon the two who remained by the foyer after Taeyong locked the door behind his manager. His gaze fell upon the luggage sitting by the coat hanger. Jungwoo's he presumed.

"Come on, I'll show you where you can stay. You can use the guest room," said Taeyong as he picked up one of the suitcases. Jungwoo followed suit but took the luggage from Taeyong as they walked down through the posh living room to a narrow hall which lead to the three bedrooms. Taeyong went into the last one and opened the door for Jungwoo. "This room should be comfortable. It has it's own bathroom and it's the bigger one."

"Where is your bedroom?" asked Jungwoo without even entering the room.

"What?"

"Your bedroom, Mr. Lee. Which one is it?" Jungwoo reiterated, his smile distracting Taeyong somewhat.

"It's that one over there, first door..."

"Then I can't stay here. I must stay closer to you, Mr. Lee," Jungwoo said firmly, making Taeyong confused. "It's policy, sorry."

"Alright, then this one over here is smaller but it's opposite my room. It doesn't have it's own bathroom and... you'll have to use the one down the hall."

"It's okay, I don't mind, Mr. Lee," Jungwoo said then handed a brown envelope to Taeyong who gave him a questioning look. "Our contract. I'll most likely stay with you for a while so we'll have to set down and follow the rules. I'm here to make you a better version of yourself, Sir. Healthy and free from toxins. I intend to do my job so I hope you'll help me do mine. This means whatever I may or may not ask you to do, you must follow them. Otherwise, it will take longer to meet our goal."

"H-huh?" Taeyong blinked. He didn't expect this young man to be _mildly_ authoritative.

"Uh-huh," Jungwoo nodded, as though presuming Taeyong understood everything. "So let's begin by you taking a hot shower while I make you breakfast. Then you can go over the contract Mr. Seo had already signed. You just need to glean the details over and you can ask me any questions about the program later."

"I... wait, don't I get to approve and sign this?" Taeyong asked with a crease between his brows, looking at the envelope.

"No, Mr. Lee. You are actually the 'subject' of the contract. I'm here to help you through the program and fulfill the requests of Mr. Seo," Jungwoo gave a little smile.

"Oh." Taeyong somehow was beginning to dislike this set-up. It obviously meant he had no say in any of it and things were looking grim for him.

"Go on, Mr. Lee," Jungwoo said, giving Taeyong a slight nudge toward his bedroom. "Take that shower and I'll whip up some breakfast for you and some herbal tea I brought to go with it."

"I don't drink tea. Cof-..."

"You do now," Jungwoo interrupted, ignoring the raised eyebrows of Taeyong as he was lead to his own room.

Somehow, Taeyong had the sense of foreboding that the following weeks... or worse months will not in the least be very pleasurable.

***

 

Jungwoo sat at the clinic's lobby patiently waiting for Taeyong to complete his physical examination. Part of their routine was the regular visit with the doctors to assess Taeyong's health and recovery. It appeared that they had been doing a better job than Jungwoo expected and according to the medical reports Taeyong was on his way to recovery. But this didn't occur without much resistance and difficulty, mostly from Jungwoo's part.

The first couple of weeks had been the worst. When Jungwoo cleared every single bottle of alcohol from the apartment, he expected vehement opposition. However, Taeyong didn't protest that much except for when Jungwoo poured the contents of an unopened 1998 Dom Pérignon Rosé by David Lynch into the sink. He threw a fit and Jungwoo almost got scared. How the heck would he know that one bottle cost over eleven thousand dollars? Taeyong had threatened to throw Jungwoo forcibly out of the house. Jungwoo kept calm and insisted that having alcohol readily available will not help him. Taeyong's rebuttal was that he could have given it to Johnny instead. Eventually, Taeyong did calm down after screaming his lungs off and Jungwoo warning him it wasn't good for his health.

Jungwoo was patient during Taeyong's 'tantrum' and ignored the latter's violent reactions. He was goal-oriented and Jungwoo was determined to see this man through recovery whether he liked it or not.

The argument between them ensued after Jungwoo threw a dozen or so cigarette packs and a handful of flameless lighters.

"You can't do this," Taeyong screeched. "Quitting smoking isn't part of the..."

"Mr. Lee, you know very well you're addicted to nicotine. It's not healthy and smoking may induce your desire for drinking as well," Jungwoo said. "Don't you want to be rid of these nasty vices? As I said this is..."

"Just shut up with the getting better already," Taeyong yelled. "You can't fix me this way. I'm way more broken than you think. Nobody who's breathing can fix me. Nobody alive can help me."

Jungwoo recalled gaping at Taeyong as he turned on his heels and stormed out of the kitchen to lock himself up in his room for the rest of the afternoon. Jungwoo sighed. He knew Taeyong can't do anything prohibited in there as he had already swiped the whole room. No corner or drawer was left unturned.

Shaking his head, Jungwoo went to begin preparing their dinner. However he was still bothered by what his patient blurted out in his anger. 'Nobody _alive_ can help me,' Taeyong had said. Whatever did he mean by that? Jungwoo frowned, deciding he was determined to find out what it was all about. If it meant solving this mystery to help his patient then he had no qualms searching for hints to better understand Taeyong. It could be the clue as to why Taeyong was acting this way, trying to self-destruct.

Naturally, when one is in the state of withdrawal one will be in their worst. Taeyong was not companionable in the very least. He spoke little, worked himself to the bone, didn't eat with Jungwoo and the latter had to bring him his food to his study. Taeyong would spend hours in front of his laptop writing his next novel, or tried to. Most of the time Taeyong would stare, step away from his desk and pace to and fro then return to his desk. One time, Jungwoo caught him almost fainting and scolded Taeyong. It frustrated Jungwoo because all his reminders to take it easy seemed to fall on deaf ears.

The same day Jungwoo arrived, he met Taeyong's lady caretaker who comes once a day for a few hours to cook meals for him, clean the apartment and did the groceries. Jungwoo learned from her that she would leave food for Taeyong but he barely touched it. He would drink more and smoked even more. She said she had to remind Taeyong every time that eating is necessary to keep one's self alive. However, Jungwoo wouldn't have it. He made sure Taeyong ate every morsel Jungwoo prepared for him and took his medications religiously.

Then came the withdrawal symptoms. It was the worst part during Jungwoo's first week with Taeyong. The fatigue and irritability were manageable, and so were the shivers, nausea and sweating from lack of alcohol intake which his body craved. The headaches and worsened insomnia from nicotine made Taeyong a mess. But Jungwoo was there every step of the way, especially when the vomiting and diarrhea came resulting from withdrawal of the opiates Taeyong had been so dependent on. The abrupt removal from his dependencies made Taeyong's body reject food at first while his body tried to flush out the toxins and he was sick in bed for the first couple of days.

Once, Jungwoo tried to be a little more amiable but Taeyong ignored him, responding only with clipped words, not even thanking him for anything nor acknowledging his efforts. Jungwoo kept his cool and retained his professionalism. He wasn't there with Taeyong to be his friend. Taeyong was his patient.

Nonetheless, Jungwoo tried to be as nurturing and caring as best as he could. It wasn't difficult honestly. He had felt an affinity right away when he saw Taeyong about to cross the street that night he almost met an accident and would have been injured or worse. Jungwoo thought it may be just his instincts. As a nurse his profession entailed helping and saving people, so that was most likely he reason. What Jungwoo couldn't explain was the strong desire to help Taeyong and to get closer to him. He found it strange, but he also felt something in Taeyong that was vaguely familiar.

Something in Taeyong had Jungwoo sensing strong compassion towards the former and it made him wonder. Never had he felt something like this toward other patients or any person in general. Even when he worked with children which should have evoked some emotion from him. It was always measured with a detachment and professionalism that came with the territory. It was very unusual that Jungwoo being the kind of person who easily drew the line from feeling sympathy or affinity for a patient, should feel a kinship toward Taeyong. It bothered Jungwoo a little. Was he attracted to Taeyong? This realization hit him hard and made him feel uncomfortable when it dawned on him. He cannot and should not be entertaining this sort of emotion.

Jungwoo had to admit he had long since become an avid fan of Taeyong's works. Taeyong spun stories that took Jungwoo to a different dimension, making him forget reality even for a few moments. If he were to be blunt, Taeyong was a literary genius and his novels were all bestsellers. It was not surprising that Jungwoo had some sort of affinity for someone he admired for his talent. But then, it wasn't just Taeyong's talent nor his good looks. There was definitely something else that evoked these emotions from Jungwoo and he knew not what. It was dangerous, Jungwoo was well aware of this. Thus he kept everything he felt at bay and tried his best to be impersonal while caring for his patient.

Nevertheless Jungwoo took care of Taeyong's well-being. Jungwoo fed him soup and healthy blended drinks apart from the intravenous formula during the time Taeyong was incapacitated and too weak to get up from bed. Jungwoo would entertain Taeyong by reading him his own works and discussing what he thought should and shouldn't have happened in the story-line. Taeyong was not always as responsive, but Jungwoo expected it. Jungwoo was depriving Taeyong of his habitual needs so there should be some antagonism or at least rebellion from Taeyong.

When Taeyong got a lot better, they would go out for walks in the park across the condominium building so that Taeyong got some fresh air and exercise. Jungwoo would make sure his shirt was not soaked in sweat and ran him hot baths before going to bed. Most of the time, Taeyong would curse him or snap at him but Jungwoo paid no heed. He did his job and he wanted to make Taeyong feel more comfortable. He would appease Taeyong that he shouldn't fret since he would be feeling less of the symptoms later on.

Taeyong's dreams weren't much of a problem as Jungwoo knew how to handle him. But since his withdrawal symptoms began, Taeyong's recurring nightmares came as often as twice in the evening and sometimes even during naps in the day. Taeyong's nightmares had Jungwoo running back and forth in the middle of the night from his room to Taeyong in order to comfort and hold him. Initially, Taeyong rejected Jungwoo's over-attentiveness complaining he wasn't a child, but Jungwoo persevered and was dedicated to making his patient feeling more secure and comforted.

On the first night Jungwoo slept in the condo Taeyong had a horrid nightmare. Jungwoo woke up jolting to the blood-curling screams. He dashed to see Taeyong writhing and howling so Jungwoo gently shook him to wake him up.

"Taeyong," Jungwoo said as he lightly tapped Taeyong's shoulder.

When Taeyong finally opened his eyes, his expression made Jungwoo confused. There was fear in them, which Jungwoo found strange. As though he was the source of Taeyong's horror.

"G-get away from me," Taeyong scampered from Jungwoo like a frightened kitten, eyes wide and gleaming. "St-top haunting me..."

"Taeyong, it's just me... Jungwoo," the confused but determined nurse said in his soft voice as he sat by the edge of the bed. He tried to reach out to Taeyong who stood at the other side of the bed, shaking like a leaf.

Taeyong blinked and tried to control his breathing then yelled, "ju-just leave me alone. G-get out!"

Jungwoo, worried that Taeyong might break into a hysteria, obliged with the latter's request. It took a while before Taeyong succumbed to Jungwoo's gentle coaxing not to confuse his dreamworld with reality, that Jungwoo was there to help and never to hurt him as it appeared to be in his dreams.

In the end, Taeyong would cry in his arms and Jungwoo would cuddle him, cooing words of encouragement to constantly remind him it was just a dream.

Surprisingly, Taeyong found sleeping easier and according to him, more so than before. The downside were his horrible nightmares. Taeyong would whimper, having difficulty breathing and often scream out in his sleep. Jungwoo would come rushing to him to gently wake him up. Jungwoo suspected it was all likely due to his difficult stage having to resist his addictions. What worried him was Taeyong getting hurt because of it, which was not impossible given his fragile condition. He had tried asking Taeyong once about his recurring nightmares in hopes of helping him but the latter would clam up immediately, avoiding the topic. Jungwoo didn't press the matter. Taeyong would eventually open up if and when he was ready, thought Jungwoo. What was important was for Jungwoo to continue to be there for Taeyong and offer solace when he needed it.

There was, of course great improvement the past month Jungwoo had been taking care of Taeyong. Gone were the withdrawal symptoms from opiates, thus Taeyong was no longer retching at the sight of food nor vomiting and he had a much better appetite. Jungwoo couldn't be happier that Taeyong looked healthier and the pallor had been replaced by healthy glowing skin.

Jungwoo sighed and stared blankly ahead, mindless of the bustle of patients and nurses around him. Lost in his thoughts, he was reminded of his own issues much similar to Taeyong's. He had been through much pain and trauma as a child, but his adoptive parents were nurturing and guided him to a healthier and happier life. They taught him how to move forward and not linger in the past. He owed everything to them. If it weren't for their loving care, he imagined he would have been a wreck too. But dwelling on his past and his loss won't help. He had to direct all his attention to making Taeyong well.

The one thing that still bothered Jungwoo was Taeyong's obvious fear of fire. Initially Jungwoo didn't notice but then, there was nothing in Taeyong's home that caused any form of flames. Taeyong had flameless electronic lighters, his fireplace was electric, his stoves and oven were all electric and he would never go near a restaurant that had a flame grill. Taeyong was obviously pyrophobic. Jungwoo took this detail well into account. He knew he had to find out why. Not only because of curiosity, but heaven knew he had a valid albeit personal reason. Jungwoo knew in the back of his mind it was farfetched but he had to know why Taeyong was pyrophobic. For Jungwoo's peace of mind. If Taeyong wasn't the person he was looking for, then Jungwoo knew he tried. But if Taeyong was indeed...

"Penny for your thoughts," Jungwoo heard Taeyong say from behind him.

Jungwoo turned to see Taeyong looking amused, cheeks slightly sunken but his eyes no longer had dark circles around it unlike the first two weeks of the program. His heart suddenly skipped a beat at the sight of Taeyong, his gray hair framing his chiseled face. Taeyong's eyes gleamed as the late afternoon sun filtering through the glass panes of the clinic bathed his beautiful face .

"Oh, s-sorry I didn't realize you were done," Jungwoo said as he stood up to guide Taeyong to the counter to claim the results and speak with the reception clerk regarding Taeyong's next appointment.

The two of them left the clinic after being informed that the test results will be available in a couple of days. The warm sunshine hit them as they walked to the car park. It was then that Taeyong stopped Jungwoo and declared, "I'm uhm...would you... do you mind if we ate at that popular Mexican restaurant nearby? The one I mentioned before where I used to like the quesadilla?"

He was surprised, but Jungwoo's face lit up at Taeyong's request. Taeyong wanting to eat something in particular meant he was truly on his way to recovery and this pleased Jungwoo.

"Of course I don't mind," Jungwoo beamed at Taeyong. "I'm glad you got your appetite back. It would be nice to eat out. Besides, it's almost dinnertime."

"Thanks," Taeyong said simply while they walked toward the restaurant instead.

The cozy little Mexican restaurant was found in Itaewon, an area where many tourists flocked. It was located where different establishments offered a variety of cuisines and was popular among both foreigners and even locals.

They chose to dine al fresco and settled themselves at the table outside near the entrance, sitting across each other. Taeyong ordered quesadillas and kimchi carnitas fries while Jungwoo settled for tacos. Jungwoo smiled at Taeyong clapping with glee when their food came. Jungwoo was genuinely surprised but very proud of Taeyong who seemed to be starting to settle into a healthier lifestyle without even once craving for any of his former vices. Slowly, Taeyong should be able to recover and the thought pleased Jungwoo immensely while he watched Taeyong wolf down a slice of his quesadilla.

They talked about Taeyong's new novel that he had begun working on, discussing how one character actually secretly admired the hero.

"So, is this the book where your famed character finally falls in love?" Jungwoo asked with a teasing look. Then he faltered when Taeyong returned it with a piercing gaze. Jungwoo had no idea why, but he suddenly felt flushed. Now was not the time to feel like a teenager on a date with his crush. "I... I mean, you normally write only mysteries. I just wondered..."

"Do you think my character deserved to be happy?" Taeyong asked, still gazing steadily at Jungwoo making the latter fidget a little. There was something in those eyes that made Jungwoo's heart skip a beat.

"What an odd question," Jungwoo said in an unnecessarily defensive manner. "Everyone deserves to fall in love. It is a gift freely available to every one."

"Even if my character made a lot of mistakes in his life? Even if he is... mentally and physically ... fragmented?"

"Even so. I will personally make it my mission to make your character fall for the witness and they will find happiness in the end," Jungwoo said firmly with a smile before stuffing himself with fries heavily soaked with the toppings. "Besides, your hero had gone through so much, he deserves to find happiness and love."

"Some people don't deserve to be loved. Even if they want to," Taeyong said with a hint of melancholy as he watched Jungwoo with guarded eyes. "Some people don't need love."

"Ah but that's where you're wrong, Mr. Lee," Jungwoo said while digging into the platter of fries and sampled some more. "Not only does everyone deserve love but we all should have it in our lives. Love is an emotional reaction that was already built into our system. It is a normal facet of being human. Chemistry has something to do with it. Besides, we need it for pro-creation and a safeguard for proliferation. When we find someone with the right chemistry, our body respond physiologically to our match. Our brains all have these pituitary glands which secretes a _cocktail_ of endorphins and hormones such as oxytocin that makes us feel love, sex hormones like testosterone for males and estrogen for females. Also there is dopamine which makes us feel pleasure when..."

"Cocktail?" Taeyong said with a raised eyebrow, with a strange expression.

"Oh. I-s-orry Mr. Lee, I should have thought of a better.... wo-" Jungwoo faltered when he realized the word he used. His sentence trailed off when he realized Taeyong was staring at his mouth while he licked the thick sauce from his fingers as he was speaking.

Taeyong seemed mesmerized by the act and it made Jungwoo's heart skip a beat, but tried to continue acting casually. What has come over this man, Jungwoo thought. The night before he had told Jungwoo to stop running to him whenever he dreamed and needn't have to worry about him too much. Come to think of it, Taeyong acted weirdly this morning as well when he insisted on making breakfast for them. But Jungwoo still helped Taeyong make some kimchi fried rice with the left-over fried chicken breast and vegetable soup. Was something up? It made Jungwoo somewhat suspicious.

"Taeyong."

"H-huh?" uttered Jungwoo, looking at Taeyong confused.

"Call me Taeyong. You have to stop referring to me as Mr. Lee," Taeyong said with the corners of his mouth lifting slightly. "I always call you Jungwoo, seems only fair that you also address me as Taeyong. To be honest, I feel slighted that you kept being so formal even after a month of knowing each other and _living together_."

Their eyes held for a moment, both studying the other with eyes devouring each other's features. Jungwoo blinked and was the first to recover.

"Li-living together?" Jungwoo then asked rather casually.

It was Taeyong's turn to look uneasy. "I mean... we... you have been working with me on the program and staying at my house so..."

"Well if you put it that way... Taeyong, thank you. Here, my peace offering," Jungwoo said and disguising his emotions by picking up a couple of fries and fed them to Taeyong. Taeyong laughed awkwardly but accepted the fries and took them into his mouth.

Jungwoo didn't know if it was accidental or not, but the tips of his fingers touched Taeyong's lips. Jungwoo felt a tingle run all the way from his fingers down his spine. Once more, their eyes met and held. It was Jungwoo's turn to be mesmerized with Taeyong's tongue licking his lower lip. Unconsciously, Jungwoo sucked on the finger that touched Taeyong's lips and suddenly felt a little flushed at the realization.

"Taeyong?"

The soft male voice from behind them broke the spell and the two of them turned their heads toward the speaker. Jungwoo frowned as he recognized the tall and handsome man. Han Seongho, the actor who purportedly dumped Taeyong for his co-star. Jungwoo's heart bled when he saw the expression etched on the Taeyong's face. Jungwoo knew Taeyong shouldn't be seeing this man right this moment at a point in Taeyong's life where he was most vulnerable. He wondered if he could do something for his patient as Taeyong reluctantly stood up to greet his ex-boyfriend.

"Seongho," Taeyong said hoarsely albeit in a civilized manner. "I didn't expect to see you here. I thought you were abroad."

"I... _we_ just got back from Europe," Seongho said in a silky but almost whiny voice.

Seongho was handsome with sharp features and deep-set eyes. His face lit up when he gazed at the appearance of another relatively striking man who slid his arm around Seongho's waist. Jungwoo recognized him as the other actor. The current boyfriend. The one Seongho replaced Taeyong with. Jungwoo immediately disliked the man and couldn't seem to remember his name.

"Babe, we have a table," Seongho's boyfriend said, barely acknowledging Taeyong.

_Babe my ass_. Jungwoo's eyebrow raised cynically as he squinted at the couple.

"Babe, you recall Taeyong..." Seongho began while trying to wriggle from the arm around his waist, obviously wanting to get away from it.

"Oh, hi. Sorry I didn't recognize you," Seongho's boyfriend said smoothly and extended his hand toward Taeyong.

"Yeah, hi," Taeyong murmured in a monotonous voice, face now as placid as a deep lake while he shook the hand perfunctorily and almost reluctantly.

"Fancy seeing you here." The little smirk on Seongho's boyfriend while he let his eyes openly scrutinize Taeyong in an unsavory manner didn't escape Jungwoo's notice. "Of all the places..."

"It's a small country," Taeyong replied with a hint of sarcasm while he pushed his fists into his jacket pockets.

"Indeed. Too small for comfort," was the boyfriend's reply. Then, motioning toward Jungwoo he added, "so who's your ah... _pretty_ friend?"

Somehow the adjective didn't sit well with him and Jungwoo wanted to punch this _Babe's_ face. Jungwoo also didn't like the way Seongho's new boyfriend looked at him from the top of his head to down to his sneaker-clad feet. The nerve, thought Jungwoo. This wasn't right. He had to do something. He almost scowled at Seongho who kept glancing at Taeyong then at him with undisguised curiosity. Jungwoo thanked the heavens he wasn't wearing his usual scrubs as an idea came upon him as he stood up to go round the table and stand beside Taeyong.

"Oh, this is..." Taeyong began and motioned toward Jungwoo. But before Taeyong could finish his sentence, Jungwoo interrupted him.

"Jungwoo. Taeyong's boyfriend," Jungwoo said, disregarding his patient's stare as he slid his arm around Taeyong's waist. Unsatisfied, Jungwoo sighed softly while resting his chin on his Taeyong's shoulder as though it were a natural thing to do. He ignored the fact that Taeyong slightly stiffened but thankfully didn't budge.

"My... boyfriend..." Taeyong murmured almost inaudibly.

Jungwoo smiled brightly and tightened his arm around Taeyong to pull him closer. The fact that Seongho's eyes fluttered in surprise made it all worthwhile. To heck with Taeyong getting upset with him. He'll deal with it later.

"Pleased to meet you. Do you mind if we join you?" the boyfriend asked and Seongho obviously felt uncomfortable and so did Taeyong.

"Joon, I don't think we should disturb them," Seongho protested.

So _Babe's_ name was Joon, thought Jungwoo wryly.

"We're about-" Taeyong said quickly but Jungwoo had other plans.

"Of course not. Please join us," Jungwoo said and pulled Taeyong over to sit at their table once more, this time sitting abreast. The other pair followed suit, settling themselves opposite Taeyong and Jungwoo. Jungwoo pulled the little box-like stool closer to Taeyong while the latter stared openly at him with a hint of amusement.

While the service crew took the newcomers' orders, Taeyong whispered softly in Jungwoo's ear. "What the hell are you doing?"

Jungwoo pretended to giggle and gave Taeyong a sultry look making Taeyong swallow nervously. Jungwoo in return murmured into Taeyong's ear that made him fidget, "just go along with it and trust me."

The glance Taeyong gave Jungwoo had a look of suspicion in them but, yet again, it didn't matter to Jungwoo. Instead Jungwoo threw his arm over Taeyong's shoulder. An insect wouldn't have been able to crawl through in between their bodies as Jungwoo inched as close as possible to his patient. It was now a do or die mission and he intended to make it as believable as can be.

"Why are you doing this?" Taeyong mumbled hoarsely so only Jungwoo can hear. Taeyong's hand clench over Jungwoo's knee when the latter started to let his fingers crawl over his exposed neck, lightly caressing the skin with feathery touches. Taeyong gulped but kept a straight face on.

So, he's ticklish, thought Jungwoo naughtily, ignoring Taeyong squeezing his knee. Jungwoo just fluttered his eyelids, gazing at Taeyong almost adoringly as he whispered in Taeyong's ear once more. "Consider this part of the program. Thank me later."

The exchange between Taeyong and Jungwoo seemed to pique Seongho's curiosity as he kept glancing at them surreptitiously with slight irritation. He was obviously distracted even when Joon was asking what drink he wanted. However, Jungwoo still noticed the hint of defiance in the actor's face. Jungwoo knew Taeyong's ex-boyfriend was subconsciously defensive. He was the one who dumped and cheated on Taeyong. Jungwoo intended to make him drown in his own guilt for abandoning Taeyong when all the latter needed was understanding, nurturing and care.

"So, how long have you two been together?" Joon asked after their orders were taken.

"Over a month ago."

"About five weeks now?"

Jungwoo and Taeyong said one over the other. They whipped their heads to glance at one another and shared a smile. Taeyong was obviously trying to get into it as well now, thought Jungwoo. Seongho watched them quietly but then decided to delve deeper.

"So how did you two meet?" asked Seongho. Jungwoo noticed that Taeyong's ex couldn't take his eyes off his hand lazily caressing Taeyong's neck. In reality, it was partly acting and another part enjoying the feel of Taeyong's smooth skin.

The 'couple' before Seongho both paused for a moment, sharing what appeared to be a knowing look but in reality Jungwoo almost panicked.

"He saved my life," Taeyong said simply, barely managing to tear his eyes off from Jungwoo's lips while the latter licked them nervously.

"Really? How?" Joon asked, looking curious himself.

"I was on my way home..." Taeyong began and looked to Jungwoo as though asking for assistance.

"My _Yong-yong_ literally had his nose shoved onto his phone texting while crossing the street, unmindful of the stoplight. He almost got run over by an oncoming car so I pulled him back to safety," Jungwoo supplied, genuinely amused at Taeyong's sharp intake of breath while eyebrows raised quizzically. Jungwoo looked at Taeyong with an wide grin, as if to remind him it was partly true and omitting the 'Taeyong was buzzed' part. "It was a close call."

"Except I almost squashed you as we fell on the pavement."

"That you did," Jungwo said amusedly. "But we weren't injured or anything. Only Taeyong's pride was wounded." Taeyong smiled at Jungwoo.

"Really? Fascinating," Joon said, genuinely amazed.

"I'm glad you both weren't hurt," Seongho said softly, appearing to be in deep thought.

"I... pretty much owe him my life," Taeyong declared while his eyelids fluttered at Jungwoo's steady gaze. "He's my savior."

"I guess you do owe me, Taeyong," Jungwoo replied and their eyes held for a moment, as though both were unwilling to tear their eyes off from each other's faces. "I'll have to collect my reward soon, since you haven't given me any yet."

"What did you have in mind?" Taeyong said softly, his voice husky and sounded almost like a caress. Jungwoo felt shivers run down his spine.

Jungwoo's eyes trailed lower and were drawn to Taeyong's lips while he whetted them with his tongue. For the life of him, Jungwoo was unable to remove his eyes from the delectable lips slightly resembling the shape of a heart. He could feel his heartbeat pounding wildly.

It was magical. Drawing them in. Both of them were unable to resist the strong urge that overcame both of them. Time slowed down and they were swept into a world that was their own as they cleared the short space between them and their mouths connected. Jungwoo felt himself weaken as their parted lips touched. The sensation of Taeyong's moist lips moving languidly against his was the most tender kiss Jungwoo ever had. The sweetest and most entrancing kiss. It lasted for only a matter of seconds but to Jungwoo it felt as though it were ages.

"Well, that was a... mildly interesting sight." Joon's deep voice which was dripping with sarcasm brought the two back to reality. "Thankfully our food has arrived, Babe."

Jungwoo had difficulty catching his breath when they parted but feigned calmness while the service crew set down the newcomers' food on the table. His brain had to work doubly harder on how to avoid the aftermath of awkwardness that will certainly arise. He spared Joon a glance and smiled as he said in the most saccharine voice he could muster, " _Yong-yong_ knows how much I love it when he gives me my sweet treats."

"S-sweet treats?" Seongho stared at them blankly, a mixture of being uncomfortable and disbelief at witnessing the blatant public display of affection.

Jungwoo suspected Taeyong was far from being openly affectionate, unlike what he portrayed him to be. Seongho looked mightily surprised. This valuable fact made Jungwoo use it to his advantage. Might as well go all the way.

"Yong-yong is the sweetest man I have ever met. He often brings me breakfast in bed since we started living together. He wakes up earlier to prepare my favorite kimchi fried rice topped with fried egg, jeon and doenjang soup. It's part of our routinary morning cuddles. Right, my sweet macaron?" Jungwoo said while pinching Taeyong's cheek. Taeyong almost choked on the green iced tea he was sipping.

"Y-you... live together?" Seongho said with a pensive look.

"I moved in a few of days after we met," Jungwoo said. He smiled with satisfaction when Seongho's jaw dropped.

However, Taeyong's ex quickly recovered. "I know for a fact Taeyong used to want his bed to himself when he sleeps."

Sour grapes much, thought Jungwoo and hooted inwardly at his small victory.

"People can change," murmured Taeyong.

"So it's a windmill romance?" asked Joon while he dug into his food.

"You mean whirlwind," corrected Seongho, this time looking irritated.

"Taeyong was smitten with me the moment he saw me and fell for my charms. He showers me with love and spoils me too much. He's such a sweetheart," Jungwoo supplied and tried not to cackle at Seongho's expression. "That's why Taeyong is precious to me and I will protect and care for my sweet macaron forever."

Obviously Seongho was getting jealous with that almost sulky expression, thought Jungwoo. Good. This was what he was aiming for. This ex-boyfriend of Taeyong needs to be taught a lesson. He should have been there for Taeyong when he needed someone the most. He stole a glance at Taeyong and discovered the latter staring at him with a doe-eyed look with a tinge of gratitude. Jungwoo felt himself weaken. Taeyong's eyes were indeed really beautiful. Once more, Jungwoo had the overwhelming urge to kiss Taeyong. This time a little longer.

The moment was halted when Taeyong's phone buzzed. It was Johnny, saying he was coming over to Taeyong's place to discuss some new business proposal. Taeyong and Jungwoo bid their goodbyes and excused themselves after settling their bill.

Jungwoo felt lighthearted that somehow he was able to get back at Taeyong's ex-boyfriend. That Seongho got off the hook too easily, and Jungwoo thought he deserved to feel a little regret and guilt. Seongho looked almost shocked and disappointed that Taeyong had found happiness after being jilted. What did he expect? That Taeyong would sulk forever?

While they were heading for the car in silence, Jungwoo glanced at Taeyong to see him with a small smile and it pulled at his heartstrings.

"You were right. Thank you, Jungwoo, for being a friend to me."

"You're welcome, Taeyong. And just a reminder, what I said earlier was the truth. I'll always be here to help and even protect you. I'm your hero, remember?" Jungwoo teased.

Taeyong smiled at Jungwoo and threw his arm around the former gave him a little squeeze. Jungwoo stole another glance at Taeyong, grateful that he didn't bring up the little kiss. It would be awkward and pointless Jungwoo thought as he watched the soft light of evenfall fusing with the illumination cast by streetlights define Taeyong's beautiful features. This man was becoming dear to him. Too much that it scared him. But Jungwoo now knew that while he was certainly falling for this man, a _patient_ , he mustn't and shouldn't let the latter know. Ever.

***

 

_Taeyong frowned as he found himself back in the hallway with the peeling floral wallpaper over cracked paint. Somehow, this time Taeyong felt more afraid as he walked steadily toward the door with the bright shimmering light streaming through it's cracks. Why was he not heading for the last door down the hall?_

_Taeyong shivered and opened the door. Just as before, after entering the room he immediately found himself splayed on the bed naked and unable to move, bound by invisible restraints. Taeyong's throat constricted and struggled to free himself when he saw the dark shadowy figure hover toward him and above him._

_"Who are you... what are you," Taeyong said, surprised that he managed to muster a hoarse voice._

_"You are lost. You stopped searching. Until you find whom you yearn for, I will make you suffer," the figure's hissing voice gave Taeyong chills._

_"Wha-what do you mean? Look for whom? Who sh-should I look for?"_

_"A piece of you. A piece of your heart."_

_Taeyong tried to speak more, ask more questions but he felt his throat began to tighten to the point that very little air passed through his throat. He could still breathe but only just. He wriggled as the figure went on with his now familiar lascivious acts. Once more, Taeyong was torn between fear and pleasure as he squeezed his eyes shut. He arched his back when he felt the moist mouth on his soft member, the wet sucking sensation warming his body. He could feel the blood rushing down to his groin and making him harder by the minute, his heart throbbing in reaction to the constant motion over his cock of the slick tongue and soft warm cavity. The claw-like hands roaming his body didn't help._

_As he was writhing, letting the pleasure wash over his being, Taeyong dared to open his eyes and glance at the blurred figure's face in between his legs. He gasped in shock to see the face slowly reveal itself clearly, blazing eyes staring back at him. It was Jungwoo's._

_"Y-you..."_

_The figure with Jungwoo's face stopped his ministrations and floated above Taeyong to face him and said, "You promised you will protect him forever. You betrayed him. You left him behind."_

_"Wait. I... no! I didn't... no..."_

_"You lie! You didn't even look for him. You failed him."_

_"I don't understand! E-explain to me what-," Taeyong said anxiously as he found his voice but was cut off by the figure._

_"Unless you find him, you will slowly die from torturous pain," the figure screeched and threw his head back in laughter. "_

_All of a sudden flames burst from out of the figure with Jungwoo's face and simultaneously the walls were engulfed in a blazing inferno. The fire spread out quickly toward the bed. Taeyong thrashed and howled in fear, tears streaming down his face. Taeyong began convulsing and screamed as he felt the hot flames lap at his arms and legs._

Taeyong jolted and woke up with a start, slightly squinting at the early morning sunlight streaming through the sheer curtains hanging from the window. He was drenched in cold sweat and entangled within the sheets. He sat up and tried to gasp for air, breathing steadily to calm himself after being both mortified and horrified of his dream. The dream he had been having almost every night since the first day Jungwoo moved in.

Taeyong threw the white silk sheets back and got up from his enormous bed. He disrobed and went on to take a hot shower to relax his frayed nerves. Although his recurring dream was almost always exactly the same, this was the first time the figure with Jungwoo's face uttered his last statement. _'_ Unless you find _him_ , you will slowly die from torturous pain _'_ it had said. Could it be possible? Could _he_ still be alive?

Taeyong and his father had never spoken of the events that night, not even once. Besides, it took a long time before he began opening up himself. Should he have asked his father instead of presuming guilt? Taeyong planted his palms on the tiled wall, letting the steaming water from the shower trickle down his whole slim body as though to let it wash away his guilt. If indeed he was mistaken, Taeyong wondered, had he wasted a whole lifetime ruining himself instead of actually finding out the truth or even searching for him?

But he shouldn't fully put the blame on himself, should he? He was a traumatized 12-year old who didn't know how to handle grief and acceptance properly. He was orphaned at the age of 3 after his parents drowned in a boating accident. His grandmother took care of him, but upon her death when Taeyong was 5 he was left all alone. Having no other living relatives, the state took him in and had long since lived at an orphanage in Busan before his father adopted him .

He had shunted proper help for years since his adoptive father Mr. Lee, a childless widower, took him in. Taeyong was of course very grateful to his father for saving him and raising him as his own child. With that in mind, eventually Taeyong did go into therapy to prove he loved and appreciated Mr. Lee for all that he's done. But it never really made him whole. He was broken all the way through and only one person could have helped him. The person whom he knew had been dead for over a decade. The one person Taeyong promised to protect but failed to do so. The only person Taeyong had really cared for since they were toddlers. His first true love.

Taeyong sighed as he turned off the water tap and got out of the shower and dried himself up before donning on his usual shirt and track pants. Another day of struggle lay ahead of him. Another day of trying to write without alcohol in his system. But lately his mornings had become brighter. I've become more hopeful because _bubbly_ Jungwoo is rubbing off on me, he thought sardonically as he strode for the kitchen to look for some breakfast to eat.

Perhaps his dreams were instinctively telling him something. Maybe he just needed to tap into his instincts and find out the truth. As painful as it were, he knew he needed to face it. He needed closure. He needed to get over his grief. He must learn to move on. To heal and become whole again. Especially now that he may have fallen for someone else. Jungwoo.

***

 

_Sunrise Orphanage in Busan_

_Spring of 2008_

 

"Please... s-stop. You're hurting me," the 10-year-old Areum sobbed as he lay on his side on the dusty floor of the basement slash stockroom of the orphanage. He tried to shield his body by curling up and crossing his arms over his face while three older boys stood over him, kicking and punching him alternately. "P-please, I don't want to lie."

"Why?" asked the tall and bulky teen with a sneer on his face. "It's for your own good. We're teaching you how to be a real man here. We wouldn't want softies like you crawling over us while we sleep and having a go at us, would we?"

"Yeah! We don't want boys named _Areum_. Only an idiotic parent would name their son 'beauty'," the other lanky teen with a broken front tooth sniggered, mocking Areum before giving the boy another vicious kick. Areum cringed in pain and gave a little whimper.

"Your parents deserve to die. Oh... wait... they're already dead," the boy with a broken nose scoffed, and the two others laughed.

"Anyway," said the bulky teenager began. "You will to do this for us. Or else, you'll get more beating."

"You can't tell anybody we took the money from the safe, alright? If the Director Yoon bitch asks you, tell her you did it."

"P-please," Areum begged. "I can't-do..."

Areum cowered when the bulky older boy motioned to hit him with his sneaker-clad heel on the face, but halted and laughed devilishly. Areum gasped and quivered when the older boy grabbed him to pick him up to let him stand on his feet. He cringed when the boy's face inched closer to his.

"Listen twink, if you don't man up I'll gut you. Understand?" the other boy said threateningly, shaking a fist at Areum's face.

"P-please... I can't..."

Areum cried out when he was pushed violently against the rusty gas pipes, unwittingly making the hastily plastered hairline crack on the old pipe worse. His large eyes were filled with fear and brimming with tears. The older boy was about to land a punch on Areum's face but the footsteps rushing down the narrow stairs halted him.

"Stop it this instant!" the orphanage's Director yelled as she sauntered toward the boys, fists planted on her waist. Behind him was a slim but strikingly handsome boy who balled his fists at the sight of Areum being manhandled, obviously bruised and battered. "Haven't I told you to leave Areum alone? To my office, now!"

The bulky boy released Areum none to gently and glared at the boy standing defiantly behind the director. He headed up the stairs followed by the two other teens shuffling behind him. Not one of the three boys looked regretful nor repentant and all of them gave a spiteful glare at the boy standing behind the Director who emitted a defiant stance.

"Are you alright, Areum?" Director Yoon asked worriedly as the young boy's knees buckled. Even before she could approach Areum, the handsome boy rushed over and helped the battered boy who sat back on the floor, unable to stand on his own.

"Bring him upstairs and I'll deal with those bullies," Director Yoon instructed. She gave Areum and the older boy one last worried glance before rushing after the other teenagers who headed to her office, intending to give them a good scolding. "Damn them for giving me a constant headache."

When the boy reached Areum, he held the latter in his arms to comfort the shaking body while he broke in tears. In his best friend's arms was where Areum always felt safe. His solace. "Youngee... I couldn't.... th-they want... to... make me... but I..."

"Hush... it's alright, Areum. It's over. I'm so sorry I wasn't able to come earlier to prevent this," Areum's friend said as he rocked the quivering Areum to calm him, rubbing his back and nuzzling his hair. "But you were so brave to stand up to those rats."

"Because I had you in my pocket with me, that's why."

"What?"

Areum pulled out a carefully folded piece of paper with some difficulty from his jean pocket and showed it to Young. Young felt a tight squeeze in his heart when he opened it to see the drawing he had recently made. It was a sketch of him holding Areum's hand as they stood side by side on a grassy knoll showing their backs, while they were watching the sun set in the horizon. Or rather, Areum was looking at the sunset while Taeyong's head turned toward the former, gazing at him. It was one of his best sketches. Suddenly Young felt tears brimming in his eyes.

 

 

"Thank... you, Taeyong. For always taking good care of me..."

"I promised to always be here for you, remember?"

"I know," Areum whispered and hugged Taeyong tighter. They stayed that way a little longer, huddled on the cement floor of the basement with the tiny window pane coated with dust offering the only illumination apart from a small florescent bulb hanging from the ceiling. They didn't notice the musty and dusty room piled with boxes and laundry washers. They had each other.

"Come on, I'll patch you up," Taeyong said and led Areum up to their rooms.

Nobody among them realized that the gas pipe were slowly leaking.

Later that night, one of the cleaning ladies did the laundry and plugged the washer into the nearby electrical socket, humming as she dumped the soiled sheets and closed the lid, setting the wash cycle before going back upstairs to do other errands. After a while, when the cycle was almost done, the old socket sparked causing the gas to ignite with a small explosion and it burned the orphanage down to embers.

***

 

Taeyong kept pacing on the marble tiled floor of his bedroom on bare feet, occasionally pausing to squint at his open laptop with the search engine page flashing back at him. He had holed himself up inside since after dinner with Johnny and Jungwoo.

This was the part where normally he would have lit up a cigarette to calm himself down. But that was then, and this was now. He needed to come to terms about him having a 'clean living', without any dependency on vices to make him function properly. It had been exactly seven weeks since his last drink, last cigarette and the last time he took a pill. Not even a single sleeping pill, which made things relatively difficult. Jungwoo had said it was a great accomplishment, but why did he feel like he was thrown into and rolling down over the sides of an endless ravine. He still had tremendous headaches and dizzy spells. Sometimes he still had the shakes, but all things considered he was doing pretty well, according to Jungwoo of course.

_Jungwoo_. Taeyong frowned at the thought of his nurse. It had been a struggle having him around the apartment. Ever since he had come to terms with being immensely attracted to the man, Taeyong fought a constant battle that strained his willpower. He had to squash down any emotion he felt to protect himself. This was not the right time to dive into an inappropriate relationship. Not when he was a recovering alcoholic. Especially not with his nurse.

But then, Taeyong found Jungwoo almost irresistible. Seeing the boy everywhere in the apartment only made things worse. Added to the fact that Jungwoo seemed to have developed the habit of touching his nape and neck. Taeyong tried not to let it show, but Jungwoo managed to make him shudder and feel 'funny' every time. It was becoming a well anticipated 'torture'. Why was Jungwoo so... affectionate towards him? Taeyong cursed under his breath. Even as he paced alone in his room, he began missing his nurse. Missing the soft but quick caresses and... other acts of _endearment_. Taeyong realized, obviously there was something going on between them. It was undeniable. But up to what extent should they entertain it? More importantly, what was actually going on in Jungwoo's mind?

Just this morning when they were about to cook sujebi with seafood, Jungwoo complained that he didn't know how to make fresh dough from scratch. He had said his family always got store-bought noodles because both of his parents were working and rarely had time to cook leisurely. Taeyong boasted that when he was young, he and his father would often make the dough and tear it up themselves during his days off. Jungwoo's immediate reaction was to squeeze the side of Taeyong's neck to the latter's chagrin, while batting his lashes asking that they make it as well, expressing his desire to learn eagerly.

"Taeyong you have to teach me how to... _knead_? Yeah, knead this."

Taeyong froze, licking his lips nervously. Why was he so affected by a simple request from this man? He must have imagined the emphasis on the word knead, surely. Not when Jungwoo was in fact kneading his very neck that very moment. Taeyong cleared his throat.

"Oh. Well, you have to... like squeeze it... and push and then pull it like this before folding it over," Taeyong said softly, blushing at his words without really knowing why. Perhaps it was the way Jungwoo suddenly grinned with a hint of malice, still not letting go of his neck, which Taeyong altogether ignored completely. Taeyong cleared his throat and added, "here, try it."

But Taeyong obliged of course, showing Jungwoo how to work the dough, just so that it sticks firmly together but soft enough to work with.

At one point, Taeyong recalled being unsatisfied at how Jungwoo was kneading too vigorously. Taeyong corrected Jungwoo rather sternly, slightly upset that it might ruin the dough. Jungwoo raised his eyebrows and pinched Taeyong's nose with his flour-dusted hands. Taeyong, surprised at the childish reaction from Jungwoo, streaked flour on the latter's cheeks in retribution. He snickered softly and quickly hid his smile, shoulders shaking while he tried to suppress his mirth.

Jungwoo wasn't one to surrender so he did the same by slathering a generous amount of flour on both of Taeyong's cheeks with his open palms, making Taeyong sneeze. Their exchange had turned into a more intense battle between them as to who coated more flour on their 'opponent' and who blocked their attacks successfully. They laughed and fooled around with the flour and dough till the kitchen looked like a sand storm or more particularly a flour storm, blasted through it.

Taeyong ended up chasing Jungwoo around the kitchen island with a dollop of kimchi clenched in his fist, intending to smear it on him wherever it might land conveniently. Jungwoo who was squealing, got caught by Taeyong who grabbed his shirt from behind. Halted by Taeyong's vice grip, Jungwoo tripped on the stool and fell on the floor with a thud, followed by Taeyong toppling over him when he in turn stumbled over Jungwoo's long legs.

They giggled uncontrollably, while Taeyong generously slathered the wet kimchi on Jungwoo's neck. Their eyes met and momentarily held each other's gaze. Slowly, their mirth faded as they studied each other's faces so close to one another with Taeyong still splayed over Jungwoo's length. As Taeyong gazed upon Jungwoo's soft features, he was reminded of how similar Areum's twinkling eyes were to Jungwoo's. It dawned on him so suddenly that it took his breath away.

Taeyong remembered how fast his pulse beats were and wondered if Jungwoo felt it while his chest settled on his nurse. There they were, dusted with flour all over including their hair, entangled on the kitchen floor with their bodies fused when unchecked emotions began rushing from them. Taeyong let his breath out in a soft sigh as he watched Jungwoo's eyes stray toward his parted lips.

Thus it was inevitable and almost natural when Jungwoo let his hand snake around Taeyong's nape to pull him closer. Their lips locked into a sweet and lazy kiss, savoring the feel of their warm mouths moving against the other's. The soft nibbles on his lips made Taeyong weak, fearful of what might come next but too engrossed with the pleasure he derived from it. He let his hands rake through Jungwoo's faded orange hair while he sampled the soft and delectable lips, teasing it slowly with the tip of his tongue. They were now lost in the sensual act as it slowly intensified, both drawn into a whirlpool of steadily increasing passion. Their breaths became ragged and irregular.

Suddenly they were both immensely aware of each other's scent, the smoothness of their skin and their bodies pressing against each other. Taeyong became so conscious of Jungwoo underneath him while their groins ever so gently rubbing against each other's made his heart race even more while his excitement mounted.

They had started to throw caution to the wind, became more daring in caressing and with their hands seeking to touch their naked skin. Taeyong sighed as Jungwoo's mouth left his to slither down to his neck and he shuddered as he felt the hot tongue paint streaks of moistness from his jaw to his partly exposed clavicle. A soft moan escaped his lips.

The opening and closing of the front door didn't immediately alert them. It was Johnny's voice coming from the foyer which did and the two froze, sharing a wide-eyed look when they heard him speak in a humorous tone mimicking a husband coming home to his wife. "Honey, I'm home...where is everyone?"

As though in silent agreement on how to avoid the awkward situation, Taeyong rolled off of Jungwoo and scampered to his room. Jungwoo on the other hand, scrambled on all fours toward his own.

Taeyong recalled hearing Johnny's exclamation at the sight that met him when he presumably saw the kitchen, "what... the.... fuck happened here?!"

When Taeyong and Jungwoo came out of their rooms almost simultaneously looking slightly disheveled but wearing fresh shirts, neither offered any further explanation when Johnny inquired about the mayhem in the kitchen, except that they were cooking something. Johnny squinted at them suspiciously, noting traces of flour on their hair and faces. Johnny smirked, obviously aware that something... perhaps hinky... was going on. But he kept silent and began wiping the four-dusted, kimchi-stained surfaces here and there with a dampened kitchen towel, mumbling that he wasn't paid enough for his job.

"Kids and their hanky-pankies..." Johnny mumbled under his breath. Taeyong and Jungwoo shared knowing glances and secretive smiles.

They finished cooking, luckily in time for brunch. They ate with Johnny who kept on observing his two companions, watching quietly while Jungwoo kept feeding Taeyong as though he were a toddler to the extent of wiping off morsels from his mouth, much to Taeyong's chagrin and embarrassment. He tried protesting, but Jungwoo wouldn't have it, making the excuse that it was a nurse's job. Taeyong however became more subdued afterwards, avoiding Johnny's questioning looks.

Luckily, the rest of the day was spent with Johnny and Taeyong discussing business plans and other more urgent matters related to his new book. Jungwoo on the other hand, went out to refurbish Taeyong's medications. Taeyong had to push back thoughts on Jungwoo and what had occurred earlier. Not that he didn't like it. He would be a liar if he said otherwise. However, he knew he wasn't ready just yet to face Jungwoo and confront himself on how he really felt for the boy. Was he physically attracted? Oh yes, he definitely was. Jungwoo's looks and body was not one could ignore that easily. But up to what extent was his attraction, Taeyong was still unsure. His emotions were all jumbled up, more so because of his nightmares and his desire to find out whether his best friend was long dead or not. The best friend he had come to love at such a tender age.

Taeyong had kept it a secret, even denying it from himself that he had fallen for the little angel he had taken care of for many years. He didn't and never would have acted upon it and not that he knew how. Taeyong knew that his lost friend looked up to him as a big brother. His protector. It was lunacy to encourage such an emotion, or what he thought he felt for the boy two-and-a-half years his junior. He was over twelve at the time and the likelihood of being unable to determine what kind of love he had was near to none. Suffice to say that he felt strongly for his Areum that he was ready to do anything for him.

Perhaps it was a simple attraction or maybe even a deep infatuation and kinship toward a boy he grew up with and spent the whole time protecting and caring for him. Taeyong didn't know if it was a normal thing, having no parent or friend to talk to about it. But one thing he knew was that the boy was dear to him, and losing him ruined his very essence. His soul. He had to find out, even if it was all too late. Taeyong knew he needed it for his own peace of mind. Otherwise, he will never be able to forgive himself. And it was all partly because of Jungwoo. Taeyong had fallen into a deep pit he himself had dug. It was definitely Jungwoo's eyes... and lips, that kept reminding him of Areum.

"Shit," Taeyong muttered. This wasn't right. He needed to get his head together, raking his hands through his ash grey hair. He had more important things to do than engaging in illicit affairs and inexplicably finding his nurse desirable. An infatuation and attraction that was in danger of being realized. Of course it wasn't illegal per se, but morality would have raised it's eyebrow on it. Besides, just as he kept telling himself, now was not the right time to canoodle with his nurse.

Taeyong sighed and as though in surrender, he sat in front of his laptop, pulling his leather swivel chair closer to his desk. Taking in another deep breath, Taeyong readied himself for the burdensome task. He didn't think he would ever be ready to try to remember exactly what happened over a decade ago. Somehow in the back of his mind he wished he had just asked his father about it. But it was all too late, and he can't really blame anyone except himself, especially since it was his father who had saved his life.

Taeyong took in another even longer breath and rested his elbows on the blackwood desk, clasping his hands together as if to murmur a silent prayer before typing in the key words: "Sunrise Orphanage fire".

Taeyong carefully gleaned over the articles about the fire that razed Sunrise Orphanage to the ground back in 2008. The fire was caused by faulty wiring and the media raised issues about the head of the orphanage. According to the articles and witness's accounts, Director Yoon Hwamin had embezzled the funds purportedly allotted for the orphanage's rehabilitation. Taeyong snorted, knowing fully well this wasn't the case. That much he remembered.

Taeyong scanned more articles since he knew what he was looking for in particular while he tried to detach himself from being affected by the photos. He had to take short breaks while glancing at shots of the blazing fire devouring the building. Over thirty children were housed in said orphanage but none of the articles Taeyong had read so far mentioned anything about the names of the children who survived, nor those who had perished in that fire. Almost all of the articles said the same thing. Fatalities and the survivors' identities were undisclosed by authorities to protect the children's privacy and their would-be adopters. Other articles failed to mention it altogether, focusing more on how the fire began and how there were irregularities with the administration and some even discussed in detail how well the fire department worked to extinguish the conflagration and save the children. That part made him proud of his father and the brigade.

As his thoughts strayed toward his father's workmates, an idea came to him. He couldn't very well contact the adoption agencies who took in the children who survived. That information on orphans were never divulged was a strict standard rule. But Taeyong knew he could pick up some information from his father's co-workers no matter how minute the lead was. If he was lucky, he may even find out the details.

Taeyong searched the net to pull up the Busan fire station directory where his father used to work. Taeyong tapped on his phone to dial the fire station's direct line but he failed to realize Jungwoo had just enter the room and paused as stood behind Taeyong's chair, bending down to place his head near the latter's to take a peek at what goes on.

"Is something on fire?" Jungwoo whispered in Taeyong's ear with a teasing note. "All I know is you're hot."

Taeyong jumped and blushed at Jungwoo's statement before he could complete the call and felt tiny electric bolts run down his spine. Yes, you're burning me up literally in my dreams, thought Taeyong wryly. Taeyong immediately closed his laptop and shoved his phone aside. "No, nothing's on fire. I just wanted to look up an old friend of my father's."

"I see. Well, come on out. All work and no play makes a boring patient. I bought a nice movie for us to watch and I made some buttered popcorn to go along with sausages in cheese sauce," Jungwoo declared as he tugged at Taeyong's arm. Taeyong sighed as he stood up and let himself be dragged out of his room.

"You'll love this very old movie titled 'The Notebook'," Jungwoo said confidently as they walked to the den. "It's about a woman who has Alzheimer's disease."

Another drama-romantic movie, thought Taeyong. Jungwoo seemed to like these types of films which Taeyong would not have otherwise chosen to enjoy by himself. But Taeyong found himself watching them nonetheless. He wouldn't dare admit even to himself that it was because it felt so comfortable laying his head on Jungwoo's lap almost for the whole duration of these dragging movies. Nor would he speak of the way he enjoyed the sensation of Jungwoo's fingers running through his hair.

***

 

The coffee shop where Taeyong sat waiting was small but cozy. It wasn't like the typical modern-looking ones that had brick walls and trendy seating areas nor marble-topped tables with plush couches. This shop was quaint, with it's small square tables draped with white tablecloths and dainty napkins surrounded by comfortable white-washed cushioned wicker chairs. The center of each table had a miniature rose-flowered pot and pink candles in deep round glasses. Even the walls were covered with pink wallpaper with rose prints. It was one of those kinds of coffee shops where you would rather stay longer to savor their rich brews rather than order over the counter and have it to go.

Taeyong glanced at Johnny reading a book while sipping coffee a few tables away and grimaced. Taeyong wasn't allowed to go out all by himself now for the next six months and he hated that Johnny and Jungwoo had to chaperone him everywhere. Again, he had no one to blame except himself. If he hadn't been an alcoholic and an addict, none of this would have happened.

Taeyong sighed and fidgeted at the table by the large window panes looking out across the street when he recognized Mr. Nam Dorin, the man he was to meet, cross it cautiously, heading for the coffee shop. He was a buffed up man with a round friendly face framed by his peppered grey hair marking his sixty-some years. Except for his aging, Taeyong remembered Mr. Nam just as he was ten years ago. The man was older by a few years than his father but Taeyong saw how healthy he still looked despite his age. Had his father not died trying to fight his way through a large warehouse fire before the ceiling crashed down on him, Mr. Lee would have been somewhat like this man. Taeyong grimaced and stopped himself from thinking about it. His father was a great man who led a good life and a heroic firefighter too, but he was the loving father to Taeyong most of all.

Mr. Nam saw Taeyong wave at him and broke a wide smile across his face as he approached the table. Taeyong stood up to greet his father's former co-firefighter and introduced himself while they shook hands vigorously.

"Taeyong, it is so good to see you again," he said warmly.

"Thank you. And you as well Sir." Taeyong was surprised when the man took his hand in both of his, squeezing it as though to comfort and reassure before they settled themselves at the table.

The service crew approached them to serve the coffee Taeyong had already ordered beforehand, remembering his father's friend liked his drip coffee plain and black. Taeyong ordered a caramel latte. Two slices of carrot cake accompanied their coffee. For a few moments, they sat and savored a few sips before they began conversing.

"I hope you don't mind that I already ordered for you. We can change it if you prefer..."

"This is fine, thank you. Your father and I always drank our coffee this way whenever you both visited us at my home."

Taeyong smiled and nodded, feeling a little awkward at how the man before him had been staring at him, studying him with gauging eyes. Taeyong took a little sip of coffee while thinking of where to start. He desperately needed this and he can't mess this one chance up.

"Taeyong... you've grown into a handsome and successful novelist. Just as we all expected," Mr. Nam said fondly. "I recall seeing you with your father whenever you visited the station when you were younger. You used to love watching me wash the trucks and insisted on helping me coat and buff it."

"I remember it well. I used to... feel uncomfortable going there but you and Father made me feel much more relaxed," Taeyong smiled at his father's friend. He had fond memories at the station. Taeyong realized that his father was back then trying to help him in a way, to overcome his phobia of anything related to fires by exposure and familiarity. He was extremely grateful for it, and it helped him to some extent. "Those were good times, Mr. Nam. Really fond memories of mine."

Mr. Nam smiled at Taeyong and reached out to touch the latter's hands across the table. "I miss your father, he was a good man. But you must miss him even more."

"I do," Taeyong said candidly. After taking several deep breaths, Taeyong diverted the subject. "Mr. Nam thank you for obliging my request to meet at such short notice."

"I'm actually glad to see you. I wanted to know how things are with you," Mr. Nam said earnestly after taking a sip from his black coffee.

"I'm... I'm doing my best," Taeyong said vaguely.

"Good for you," Mr. Nam replied with a smile. "But I sense this isn't only a social call. Is there something you needed, Taeyong? It can't be money. You've become filthy rich. Love then?"

Taeyong almost choked on his latte. "I...no, it's... about uhm..."

"You can ask me anything, my boy. You don't have to be anxious. If it's within my knowledge or power, I will give it to you."

"I... it's about that time... when Father saved me," Taeyong finally said, hands clasped together and head bowed. He was unable to look at Mr. Nam for reasons he couldn't even fathom.

"I see..."

Taking another deep breath, Taeyong finally looked up at Mr. Nam to face him with mustered bravery. "I understand we're not supposed to... speak of the details of what happened that time. But... will you please help me? It's been hard..."

"You never spoke to your Father about this before?" Mr. Nam asked, looking surprised.

"We... didn't really talk about what happened. I mean, I didn't really open up to him. I realized too late I should have asked him about it but..."

"I do recall he told me you hardly spoke for the first few months. You were a young boy, Taeyong. I completely understand if you didn't know how to handle it. I'm even surprised how brave you were and how strong you have been to overcome the harrowing experience," Mr Nam said earnestly.

_You have no fucking idea, Sir._ "Th-thanks... Mr. Nam. And Father did help me through all of it for which I am forever grateful. Although..."

"Ask Taeyong, and I'll try my best to share to you what I know."

Taeyong tried to calm himself by sipping more coffee, hand shaking slightly. _Not now_...

Mr. Nam studied Taeyong and waited patiently for him to continue.

"When... when I was at the orphanage, before it happened, I was very... close to one of the boys there. His name is... was... is... uhm Areum," Taeyong explained. He shoved his hands between his thighs to hide the trembling that had somehow intensified. Mr. Nam remained quiet, listening intently.

"When Father found me in the... when....I-we," Taeyong took a deep breath to gather himself before continuing. "The boy Areum was with me and we were trapped in one of the bed quarters. The fire had already spread quickly and we... there was no way out. Father came in from the window nearby and pulled me. I didn't want to leave the boy behind. I didn't even want to go first. I asked Father to take the other boy instead but Father wrestled me from the boy and carried me over his shoulder out thru the window and down the ladder. But... the other boy... I never knew what happened to him. I remember... after Father and I were down from the ladder... the... the fire... the flames coming out... from the window..."

Taeyong didn't realize he had placed his hands on the table, balled into fists and his knuckles had turned white until Mr. Nam reached across the table to pat his arm. There was honest sympathy in his eyes.

"Taeyong, it must have been extremely difficult for you to be in that situation," the older man said, lips thinning in a straight line. Taeyong remained silent, still not able to unclench his hands. From afar, in his peripheral view, he could see Johnny watching them worriedly. _Later Johnny. Don't come here acting all motherly now._

"I realize how important this is to you, and it must have been haunting you all this time," observed Mr. Nam who surprisingly looked somewhat guilty. It made Taeyong curious, but couldn't ask the man.

"It must have been horrible to feel guilty being alive while thinking one other died in their stead," Mr. Nam said cautiously. "You shouldn't burden your heart this much Taeyong."

Taeyong gave a little scornful laugh, obviously disagreeing with his Father's friend. Mr. Nam, unfazed, ignored it.

"All I can tell you is that the boy was alive when I found him."

Taeyong was dumbstruck. Did he hear correctly? He had hoped to find out for years, even suspected it at times. But to actually had his hopes verified so suddenly left him shaken. "What? H-how...?"

"I know this for a fact because I was the one who saved him."

"You... but how? I saw the flames bursting from the window above us just as we were on the ground." Taeyong still couldn't believe it.

"It was I who heard your cries for help from the halls as I was searching through it. I radioed your father to check the room from out front. He used the ladders to get to you. Your father took you out thru the same window," Mr. Nam explained. "But I went in thru the doorway to enter the room by hacking at it and hosing it down to make way. I saw the boy had already fainted so I picked him up in my arms and we escaped through the hallway window down a shoot the other men had set up for me in case I needed a quick escape route."

Taeyong's heart was racing when he asked Mr. Nam, "the boy... Areum... do you know where I can find him?"

"I heard from my friend who was the paramedic in charge at the time, that the boy had fallen into a coma battling for his life. My friend informed me he was drowning in his own body fluids. Apparently, the boy had bruised lungs and this made him weaker from the smoke inhalation."

Taeyong could feel his anger mounting. If Areum hadn't been kicked and beaten, he wouldn't have had injured lungs. Suddenly he felt his fingers digging into his palms once more.

"I went to visit the boy frequently for the next couple of weeks, checking on him," Mr. Nam continued. "I was very worried for his life."

Taeyong's heart sank. It can't be. This can't be the end of it. "Is he..."

Mr. Nam pursed his lips and fell silent for a moment. Taeyong couldn't breath while he waited for Mr. Nam to continue.

"I remember the last time I went to the hospital to visit the boy, he was no longer in his room," the older man said thoughtfully. "When I asked the nurses, they said the boy had been taken away somewhere else and couldn't say more. I tried to dig deeper, but the head nurse told me that his records had become sealed."

" _Sealed_?" Taeyong frowned.

"You know when an orphan's records are sealed it could most likely mean two things. That he had been adopted, or... he may have died."

Taeyong felt like his hopes had been picked up only to be thrown under a bus. Taeyong disguised his confusion and fear while he thanked the man for the information he had provided. It was more than he had ever expected. Much more. It was painful to find out that Areum had fallen ill, but Taeyong knew he had to keep his faith. For his own precarious state of mind. "I... would there be any way for me to find out if Areum..."

"I wish I could tell you more, Taeyong. I suspect the boy was indeed adopted while in the hospital, but I have no idea if he survived the pulmonary edema or had come out of his coma. Here," Mr. Nam said as he pulled out a pen and began scribbling something on the lace-pattern edged paper napkin. "Go visit that hospital's archives officer who is a friend of mine. Ask the officer to give you the information you seek. Perhaps you'll have better luck than I had."

Taeyong took the paper that Mr. Nam handed to him tentatively as though fearful of using the information written on it. Taeyong was afraid to find out for himself what really happened all of a sudden. Somehow he had an overwhelming sense that finding out the truth might affect him in ways that could change his life, perhaps even drastically. His only hope was that it was for the better. Areum was alive. That was what he hoped for. He needed it to be so.

***

 

_Taeyong fought his way through the smoke-filled hall with the floral wallpaper, trying to gasp to breathe in clearer air. He knew where he was headed this time and with a determined mindset he walked hastily to reach the last door at the end of the dark hall._

_Taeyong scanned the area upon entering the large bedroom anxiously, panning his sight along the room filled with narrow, smallish beds pushed against the walls to form an isle at the center. Taeyong was unable to determine the reason for it but he knew he had to search for him, as fast as he could. He retched from the acrid smoke which was now black and even thicker but ignored any discomfort while he rushed to the center with his eyes flitting everywhere._

_A soft moan reached his ears and he turned his head toward the direction from whence it came. The moan was muffled, but clear enough to pinpoint where he should be heading. Taeyong rushed to the other end of the room and found Areum, huddled in the corner, head buried in between his knees. Just then, flames burst all around the sides of the room, creeping up and consuming the wallpaper greedily.Taeyong gasped at the sight of the red flames along the walls lapping angrily, but managed to call out to the boy. "Areum, we need to get out of here. Now!"_

_The boy lifted his head, eyes wide with fear, tears streaking down his face. "S-save yo-yourself, Young...," the boy sobbed. "I'll be alright."_

_Taeyong scowled. "No! Come with me...the way to the hall is still clear."_

_The boy shook his head and said, "save yourself. And... remember me."_

_Taeyong groaned in frustration and tried to grab the boy and find a safe route which wasn't yet blocked by fire or debris. But as Taeyong held out his arms to reached for his friend, a wall of fire burst up in between them. It prevented Taeyong from getting any closer._

_Panicked, Taeyong was frozen on the spot._

_"Save yourself, Young. Live a good life. I'll wait for you in the afterlife," Areum said with tears streaming down his cheeks._

_"No, Areum! Come with me now!"_

_Taeyong stared at his friend's face and frowned. Strangely, while the flames danced around them, Taeyong watched Areum's face slowly transform to an older version of him. His face changed into someone very familiar to Taeyong and he gaped, unbelieving. It can't be, thought Taeyong. Goosebumps ran over his body as Taeyong gazed upon Jungwoo's face._

_Before he could react, the fire spread quickly. Too fast for Taeyong to act instinctively. Taeyong stared in horror as flames devoured the corner where the boy... Areum... or Jungwoo... was huddled. The blood-curling scream made Taeyong's hairs stand on end._

_"NO!" yelled Taeyong._

_Then the wall of flame encircled him as well, slowly closing in on him. Taeyong tried to jump over the flames but it rose up high above his head. He howled as the flames began enveloping him, caressing his body with a hot searing pain._

Taeyong's own screams was what woke himself drenched in sweat and tears flowing freely down his cheeks. It was also when he felt Jungwoo's arms wrap around him, comforting him. Only then did he feel safe.

***

 

Jungwoo lay still on the bed with the pillow held onto tightly to his chest. He couldn't sleep thinking of the events earlier that morning when Taeyong and himself decorated the kitchen with flour and kimchi. More particularly how he lost all control and kissed Taeyong. What was he thinking? Could anyone blame him for wanting to taste those pretty lips once more?

"Ugh," Jungwoo groaned and punched the pillow he was holding. It had been so hard for him to resist Taeyong. Something he couldn't understand. Again, he wracked his brain, torturing it to come up with logical reasons why he was so... enamored. Taeyong was a difficult and dangerous man on the brink of self-destruction. He was about to implode from all the issues and mental struggles he possessed, he was chronically depressed, won't touch a tiny candlelight with a ten-foot pole, hates mess but couldn't care less if he was practically a mess himself, was cranky and moody and mostly kept to himself. So what was it then? What was the cause of this inexplicable attraction to one of his worst patients ever? Apart from being one of the most attractive men he had ever come across, Taeyong was the opposite of a perfect 'boyfriend'. _Wait...what? No!_ He can't be seriously considering or even thinking of Taeyong becoming his boyfriend, was he?

Taeyong was his patient and decorum tells him Taeyong should have been off limits. Obviously, it would seem like Jungwoo took advantage of his own patient's vulnerability. But then there was the overwhelming pull he felt and something about his charge that was strangely familiar to him. What in particular, he could never tell. Just that Jungwoo found himself inexplicably drawn to Taeyong, physical attraction aside. Perhaps because Taeyong often reminded him of someone dear to him. Someone he had lost. However Jungwoo made an oath to himself and his parents a long time ago not to dwell on the past. To do otherwise could be catastrophic.

One thing was certain at this point in time. Jungwoo realized how deeply he felt for Taeyong that it could be love. With all that both of them had been through during the past weeks, Jungwoo's heart went out to Taeyong. Jungwoo was there when Taeyong was at his worst. He was the one who nurtured and took care of Taeyong. Cooked and fed him, bathed and dressed him even, when Taeyong could barely lift a finger. He was there when Taeyong was shaking and shivering so badly that he couldn't hold his own stomach. He was the one who rubbed Taeyong's back and wiped him clean when he retched and vomited constantly. The funny thing was he had also done this for numerous patients. So why was Taeyong any different? No matter how much denial he would claim in his head, there was the blunt truth that overruled it. No, he can't have fallen in love. Not yet. Not ever.

So I'm in a pickle, thought Jungwoo. The reality was, if Jungwoo did get involved with Taeyong and his agency found out, he could lose his job or worse, his license. There was only one viable solution. Get out before it was too late.

Taeyong's anguished scream made Jungwoo jolt up and jump out of bed to rush to his patient. Jungwoo's heart went out to Taeyong after seeing him flailing with tears streaming down his cheeks and wrestling with the covers. His first instinct was to climb on the bed with him under the sheets and take the poor boy in his arms, rocking him slowly while humming a nameless tune. Jungwoo wiped away Taeyong's tears with his pajama sleeves and softly cooed comforting words. This quietened Taeyong somewhat and the latter held onto Jungwoo while he trembled like a leaf.

"It's alright, Taeyong. I'm here now. It was just a dream. Whatever nocturnal creature was bothering you, it's gone now," Jungwoo said while softly nuzzling Taeyong's hair.

Jungwoo knew some sort of creature had been constantly haunting Taeyong's dreams apart from his usual nightmare about a conflagration. Taeyong never went into details but Jungwoo was always able to pick up some tidbits whenever Taeyong would mumble after he wakes up. It often tore his heart apart seeing Taeyong this distraught. The desire to console Taeyong was always overwhelming. Just as it was now. Jungwoo couldn't help holding Taeyong close to his chest as they lay on their side, arms wrapped around each other.

Jungwoo felt Taeyong shift and gazed down to find the latter staring at him with an expression that made his heart stop. Those eyes stared back at him as they glittered under the night lamp's illumination. Jungwoo found his hand caressing Taeyong's hair, pushing the grey locks away from his face. It was at that moment that their eyes met and Jungwoo felt himself wilt under the hot gaze that ran over his face. Jungwoo was unable to resist the enigmatic pull of Taeyong. Like a magnet drawing him in, Jungwoo bent down to savor those soft parted lips and kissed Taeyong.

At first it was tender and soft, like a light caress as their lips brushed against the other's with their breaths co-mingling. Jungwoo felt the warmth spread all over him, the sensation of Taeyong's body so close to his and their lips melding into the languid kiss slowly escalated into something even more dangerous. When Taeyong's tongue grazed on his lower lip, something in him snapped. All of Jungwoo's inhibitions were disseminated and was replaced by an urgency that washed over him like a tidal wave.

Their kiss became more passionate and sensual, almost needy. Jungwoo sighed when Taeyong's tongue invaded his mouth and he greedily suckled on it. It seemed to excite Taeyong for Jungwoo felt his top being pushed aside to let a hand roam freely over the ridges of his abdomen. Jungwoo arched against Taeyong's body and pulled him closer as his own hand snaked under the clothing that hindered it from feeling the smooth skin of his back.

Jungwoo knew they were beyond restraint now. Nothing could stop the exchange resulting from unbridled passion Jungwoo knew had been slowly brewing between them for weeks. They were at the point of no return and consequences be damned. Jungwoo thought at the back of his conscious mind he would eventually deal with it sooner than later. But not now. Not today. This time he would savor this very moment and take it away with him, tuck it in the recesses of his heart and mind. Tonight would be theirs... no his, even if it were for the last time. That was his thought when he let his mouth trail lower to nibble hungrily at Taeyong's neck and tasting the fusion of sweet musk and lavender-scented skin.

Taeyong unbuttoned Jungwoo's pajama top and let it slip off to let his hands roam freely over the ridged and muscled body. Jungwoo shuddered when he felt Taeyong's thumb caress a nipple while he feasted on the naked body now beneath him. Jungwoo pulled off Taeyong's tee over his head and discarded it. He dove right away to taste the pert nipple and Taeyong squirmed under Jungwoo's tongue while raking his hands through the orange blonde hair. Jungwoo nipped and teased both pinkish nubs until Taeyong was panting.

His mouth went down lower, letting his tongue and lips roam over the smooth expanse of Taeyong's chest and abdomen. Jungwoo paused at Taeyong's belly button to tease it till Taeyong shuddered. With his quickened heart rate, Jungwoo tugged at Taeyong's boxers. Their eyes met and the heated exchange let each other know the both wanted it. Yearned for it. Jungwoo licked his bottom lip as he pulled down Taeyong's last piece of clothing and situated himself between Taeyong's now parted legs. The hardened manhood sprung before him and Jungwoo wasted no time. He cradled the throbbing shaft and let the tip of his tongue graze the tip to tease it while Taeyong groaned in pleasure. He watched it moisten as Taeyong secreted his sleek fluids, leaking involuntarily from the sensual licking. Jungwoo held Taeyong's gaze while he took him in his mouth. It excited Jungwoo watching Taeyong throw his head back in pleasure with a low rumble escaping his throat, while he sucked on the tip greedily and let his mouth travel up and down it's length repeatedly.

Taeyong grabbed onto Jungwoo's head while the latter took him in all the way to his throat, gagging a little while trying to catch his breath. Jungwoo let the sweet and almost deliciously pungent taste of Taeyong fill him, giving him as much pleasure as he could. Taeyong responded by moaning audibly and grinding his groin in a sensual fashion. Then Jungwoo let his tongue roam over Taeyong's genital area, lapping at his inner thighs, his scrotum and finally Taeyong's puckered hole. Taeyong squirmed under Jungwoo's tongue sliding around the rim and it obviously drove him mindless. What Taeyong isn't aware of, is that as a nurse, Jungwoo had experience working at a hospital and was able to pick up 'useful' techniques an ordinary person won't necessarily or easily know.

Jungwoo smiled at Taeyong's questioning gaze when he stopped his ministrations to stand up and pull down his own pajama and boxers. He caught his breath seeing Taeyong's eyes roam lustily over his body. But he was in a hurry. He wanted more and he wanted it soon. So he asked Taeyong quickly, "where is it?"

Taeyong blinked momentarily confused, but then it dawned on him. Taeyong pulled the top drawer of his nightstand and took out the lube and handed it to Jungwoo. Taeyong gulped nervously, clearly curious and excited for what Jungwoo had in mind.

Jungwoo slathered his fingers with the lubrication and placed himself between Taeyong's parted long legs. Taeyong propped himself up with his forearms to see what Jungwoo was up to. Jungwoo in turn smiled at Taeyong and said, "you'll love this. Better be prepared." Taeyong's eyes fluttered and widened when Jungwoo slowly teased his hole, evidence that Taeyong had no experience in what he was about to have a taste of.

"Oh my... fuck," rasped Taeyong. Jungwoo smiled devilishly, inwardly thanking Taeyong's ex-boyfriend's inexperience.

It was as Jungwoo suspected. Taeyong gasped as Jungwoo gently slipped his finger inside Taeyong, giving him time to get accustomed to the sensation. When his finger was just deep enough inside, he searched for Taeyong's prostate. When he felt Taeyong twitch and gasp, he knew he had found it, so Jungwoo began massaging it with his finger, constantly teasing it with just the right amount of pressure and in a circular motion over and around the little walnut sized gland.

"Oh God..." Taeyong writhed from overwhelming pleasure, panting while he ground his loins against Jungwoo's finger. Jungwoo made sure to fondle Taeyong's cock with his other hand and it brought Taeyong ecstasy as he had never known before.

Then, when Taeyong thought he might be close to his orgasm, Jungwoo stopped much to Taeyong's disappointment.

"I need you to stay hard," Jungwoo said playfully, earning a mischievous smile from Taeyong.

Jungwoo crawled up to lay on top of Taeyong's chest and planted a lustful kiss with the latter responding eagerly, their tongues meeting in a frenzy.

Taeyong pushed Jungwoo onto the bed and rolled over on top of him. While Taeyong let his mouth traverse down Jungwoo's neck the latter sighed with delight. He felt the hot lips and tongue branding his skin and he clung onto Taeyong when he felt the latter's teeth marking his flesh. Jungwoo moaned when Taeyong's tongue began teasing his nipple, the sensation sending shivers all over his body. He pressed his manhood against Taeyong's thigh, instinctively grinding against it. Taeyong seemed to have caught on and his hand found Jungwoo's aching shaft to fondle it. Jungwoo twitched when Taeyong started rubbing his thumb over the tip of his cock. He writhed under the mouth still teasing his nipple bringing him much amatory sensations, and combined with Taeyong's fondling intensified his mounting pleasure.

Jungwoo watched Taeyong lift his mouth from his now sensitized nipple to wet his finger. When Taeyong reached down to tease his hole while continuing with the erotic torture on his other nipple, Jungwoo clung onto Taeyong, involuntarily arching his body. He was lost in the delight, breathing raggedly and Jungwoo gasped when Taeyong pushed a finger inside him.

Jungwoo's hand found Taeyong's manhood and caressed the hot throbbing flesh, wanting to feel it. Needing it. The fire in his belly could no longer be contained. Jungwoo couldn't wait any longer. He lifted Taeyong's chin to gaze seductively at the latter and then whispered huskily into his ear, "would you like this inside of me, Taeyong? Do you want to fuck me?"

Taeyong groaned and caressed Jungwoo's face with his free hand to gaze upon the beautiful face. Taeyong was gleaming with his dark eyes glittering, filled with desire and something else Jungwoo was suddenly too scared to decipher. Jungwoo knew Taeyong could feel the tightness around his finger still inside him while he slid it in and out seductively. Jungwoo licked his lips at the delicious sensation. "Well?"

"I want to _make love_ to you," Taeyong corrected, his face etched with an unreadable expression that took Jungwoo's breath away.

"Making love is a dangerous trap, Taeyong. It... is all-consuming," Jungwoo said enigmatically.

Taeyong's eyes fluttered, perhaps a little unnerved by Jungwoo's somewhat evasive rebuttal but he replied steadily, "I don't mind being consumed by _loving_ _you_."

It was Jungwoo's turn to falter and felt his heart flutter. Did he mean...? No, maybe he was just caught in the moment. Immensely moved by their arduous acts. Yes, that's it, thought Jungwoo. He replied breathily, "then do as you wish. My body is yours."

They stared at one another for a moment, their bodies aligned and both felt their hardness straining against their abdomens. It was undeniable evidence that they both wanted it badly.

No more words, thought Jungwoo as he pushed Taeyong's hand from him so the latter had to withdraw his finger from inside. Jungwoo rolled over and sat up straddling Taeyong and reached for the lubrication to apply it on Taeyong's shaft as he reached from behind him and thereafter lubricated himself. Taeyong let a sigh escape from his lips as Jungwoo guided his cock, aiming it toward the now sleek hole.

The sensation caused by Jungwoo slowly easing himself on Taeyong's pulsating shaft made them both moan and groan until it was completely inside of Jungwoo's crevice. Jungwoo was weakened as he felt Taeyong's cock penetrate him deeply and he bent over to lay his cheek on Taeyong's chest, feeling the latter's heart palpitating wildly. Jungwoo clutched at Taeyong tightly, relishing the wondrous sensation of their union. To Jungwoo, it felt exactly where he belonged while Taeyong encased him in his arms.

Jungwoo stole a glance at Taeyong who was staring at him with lust and... adoration and he shuddered while it took his breath away. It felt right... but it can't be. Jungwoo closed his eyes involuntarily, a sigh escaping him as Taeyong began moving slowly, thrusting his hips to create a delectable friction. Jungwoo swooped down to kiss Taeyong lustily while ramming his tongue inside to feel the warm moist cavern. Their kiss matching their fiery passion.

Jungwoo cried in pleasure when Taeyong's pumping came in deeper and at a faster rhythm, bringing them closer and closer to erotic heights. He began meeting Taeyong's thrusts, intensifying the gratification they felt from their amatory union. Jungwoo unwittingly bit Taeyong's shoulder when Taeyong began fondling him, teasing the tip of his cock with his thumb he had moistened with saliva. Jungwoo began quivering, knowing he was close to his orgasm. He could also feel Taeyong's pumping getting more urgent as his own climax came nearer.

Jungwoo felt the knots in his tummy and tensed up as he cried out upon reaching the pinnacle of his ecstasy, cumming into Taeyong's hand as he twitched and trembled. Taeyong kissed him passionately, lightly biting his lower lip while and giving it a light suck as though to take the pain away while Jungwoo moaned against his mouth. Jungwoo held onto Taeyong as the waves of pleasure subsided to finally bury his head at the crook of the Taeyong's neck. Taeyong's breath became laborious as he held onto Jungwoo's hips, fingers digging into the flesh and Jungwoo knew he too was almost there.

"Spill your seed inside of me," Jungwoo whispered hoarsely into Taeyong's ear and the latter groaned while Jungwoo nibbled his earlobe.

Taeyong's body tensed up and after several slow and deep thrusts, he came inside Jungwoo who kept on nibbling at his throat while he groaned in pleasure. Taeyong held onto Jungwoo tightly as the spasms began to subside, pressing his groin against Jungwoo, as though it would have gone any deeper while grabbing onto Jungwoo's buttocks.

When the it was over, Taeyong lay limp against the mattress trying to catch his breath. Jungwoo looked at Taeyong's glistening face to stare into those dark eyes while he swept back the grey locks plastered against his temple. Jungwoo knew then, he was deeply and hopelessly in love. Jungwoo kissed the Taeyong's parted lips as they lay spent but sated.

After a moment, Jungwoo rolled off of Taeyong to settle himself by the latter's side and snuggling closer. His chest began to tighten at what passed through his head, something that Taeyong should never discover.

Jungwoo used his pajama top to wipe off their secretions and settled once more as close to Taeyong as possible. Taeyong in turn pulled him in a tight embrace. They had no need for words at the very moment, only savoring the intimacy. Perhaps for the first and last time. Jungwoo tried to fight back the tears as he mustered his strength. He had to.

"Well, it appears you have recovered your strength and stamina, thanks to your nurse," Jungwoo said almost casually.

Taeyong shifted so that they faced each other and he had a twinkle in his eyes while letting his hand slide over Jungwoo's waist. "What's that supposed to mean? Are you asking for another round?"

Jungwoo licked his lips nervously but disguised it with a smile. "Maybe. I'm afraid you've become as healthy as can be given the circumstances. You may no longer need me."

Taeyong stared back at Jungwoo with a small smile, his gaze drinking in the fine features. "You're still very much needed by your patient. You'll have to take care of him even more now that he has to do extra daily exercises which are slightly... strenuous."

"Really now," said Jungwoo and smiled back. _No. I'm sorry Taeyong, there won't be other rounds._ "Then you have to rest well, Taeyong. Recover your health and be the best version of you."

"Thanks to the nurse who owns my heart, I might be," Taeyong said candidly with eyes filled with adoration. Jungwoo felt his heartstrings being tugged at.

"You _will_ be. No, you already are." Jungwoo murmured, ignoring Taeyong's declaration as he caressed Taeyong's soft cheek before snuggling back into the crook of the latter's neck. _I too love you_ , _but..._. _Goodbye, Taeyong._

***

 

Taeyong's eyes fluttered open as he was slowly awakening from his slumber. He squinted at the muted sunlight streaming through the thin white curtains that softly rustled as a gentle breeze blew in. He turned his head to see he was alone in bed. Taeyong smiled. _Jungwoo_. They spent the night together, after their passionate lovemaking. Taeyong felt his heart leap in his chest at the recall and felt a little giddy. He was in love.

Taeyong knew he had already felt something for Jungwoo, but he wasn't sure at first. After what happened, he realized he couldn't bear the thought of losing him. Jungwoo had come into his life just when he needed him most. He was Taeyong's hero, Jungwoo had said. He couldn't have been more right. Jungwoo not only saved his life, but he also opened Taeyong's heart.

Finding Areum was important for him to get into terms with his past. He needed it to heal completely. But Jungwoo... Jungwoo was his present. He knew it will be hard given his condition, but they could work it out. Taeyong promised himself to strive harder and make himself more 'normal'. He would go to therapy once more, live healthy, and write.

Taeyong felt optimistic that Jungwoo will understand him like nobody else would. Jungwoo had seen him in his worst yet he showed signs that he cared. He consistently showed affection. If only for that, Taeyong was grateful. Taeyong knew he had fallen in love with Jungwoo but he was unsure how Jungwoo really felt. What did Jungwoo feel, lust? He ignored Taeyong's comment and it hurt him somewhat, but he was sure that if they talked heart to heart about it, Jungwoo might open up to him.

Taeyong realized he didn't mind that Jungwoo might feel less than what he had, but Taeyong didn't care. He would make Jungwoo fall in love with him. He would have Jungwoo feel proud of him, believe in him and trust that he had changed for good. He was better now. Much better than before. Taeyong knew he was a different man, and he owed it all to Jungwoo.

Taeyong smiled when the scent of kimchi fried rice wafted in his room. Jungwoo was cooking their favorite breakfast. Glancing at the bedside clock showed him the time was half past nine.

Taeyong frowned. It was already late. Something was oddly wrong. It wasn't _wrong_... wrong, but it definitely felt there was something amiss. For once, he felt tired but refreshed and that in itself was curious. However, Jungwoo would usually wake him up to give him his medication around eight. Jungwoo never missed the schedule of his medication. Then there was the feeling that it was awfully quiet. Jungwoo would normally turn on the television and watch either a movie channel or a music video one.

Taeyong sighed. Perhaps a shower before breakfast will settle his confusion.

Taeyong threw back the covers and planted his feet on the marble tiles. He raked his fingers through his hair as he stood up and headed for the shower, still mildly confused. He turned the taps on and sighed as the comfortably hot shower spray hit his body. It was when he was lathering up that he realized he didn't dream or couldn't remember if he did. That was a surprise. Normally, it would be his recurring nightmare about the fire in the hallway of the orphanage or that malignant fire-wrought creature which sometimes had Jungwoo's face and preys on him with sexual perversion. Taeyong shuddered at that.

After the refreshing shower and quickly donning his usual shirt and track bottoms, Taeyong headed for the kitchen. He frowned, not expecting to see his cleaning lady cooking the breakfast instead of Jungwoo. Taeyong shrugged. Maybe he was in his room, so Taeyong headed there to look for him instead.

Taeyong knocked on the door softly and paused, waiting for a response. None came. He knocked once more, louder this time but garnered the same result.

"Jungwoo, I'm coming in," hollered Taeyong and opened the door.

The room was clean as a whistle but it was empty. Taeyong entered and headed for the closet. His heart began beating wildly as he opened it to find not a single piece of clothing hanging nor folded in it. Even the bed was made up neatly and wrinkle-free as though nobody had ever slept in it. As though no one had ever been in the room.

With a sense of foreboding, Taeyong headed for the other rooms, wondering... hoping that Jungwoo had moved to the other room without telling him. Taeyong found it as empty as before. He even took a peek in the toilet at the end of the hall, not expecting to see Jungwoo but hoping he might be in there. _Did he just... leave?!_

Taeyong suddenly felt faint. How? Why would Jungwoo leave, thought Taeyong as he went back to the kitchen to ask his caretaker. "Uhm, Mrs. Kang, have you seen..."

"Jungwoo?" the elderly woman asked absentmindedly as she scooped up fried rice from the pan into a small bowl. She then topped it with fried egg. She then placed it on the table in front of Taeyong, motioning the latter to sit and dig in.

"Yes. Jungwoo, where is he?" Taeyong asked a little impatiently.

"I saw him when I arrived at 5 A.M. before he left with his luggage. He gave me instructions and asked me to give you this. Your schedule and I believe there's some medical report in there too," Mrs. Kang handed a thick envelope to Taeyong which she took from the counter. "He told me your contract had ended so he no longer had any reason to stay. I feel sort of sad to see him go. That lovely boy had grown on me."

Taeyong took the envelope with trembling hands. He thanked his housekeeper and went back to his room, ignoring the woman's protests that he should eat first. Taeyong sat at his desk and took a deep breath before opening the letter. Gleaning over the papers, it was indeed his schedule for medications and instructions on how to administer them. It also included his recommended diet, reminders of what to avoid and also a copy of his medical report. He shuffled the documents once more and as he did, a small note fell on his lap.

All it said was: " _I too love you but I'm sorry Taeyong, we can't. Have a good life and be the better version of you. - KJW."_

Taeyong could feel the anger bubbling up inside him. How could Jungwoo do this to him? Declaring his love and breaking up with him even before it started, all written hastily in one sentence was just... frustrating. No, infuriating. And insulting. Jungwoo had just made love with him last night and he had the nerve to just drop everything and leave. He obviously didn't give a damn, thought Taeyong as he crumpled the note.

No, he won't shed a tear. Jungwoo doesn't deserve his tears. "He deserves my scorn and wrath."

Taeyong felt used and discarded like garbage. He felt like garbage. He needs... a drink. Something strong. Scotch, or maybe some cognac. And cigarettes. A whole pack of them.

Taeyong stomped toward his dresser and pulled out a jacket and exchanged his track pants for some denims, grumbling about love being a foolish notion. He then headed for the front door and slipped into his sneakers. All the while, Mrs. Kang admonishing him not to be reckless and to eat breakfast so he can take his medication. Taeyong again, ignored her.

Taeyong unlocked the door and pulled it open but halted midway as he faced Johnny who had both his eyebrows raised.

"So, the hanky-panky didn't go well. It's written all over your face," was Johnny's quip.

Taeyong raised an eyebrow mockingly.

Johnny merely grinned. "Actually, Jungwoo called and apologized profusely. And where do you think you're going without me?"

"Fuck off, Johnny. I'm going out. Alone."

"Oh-ho... not on my watch young man."

" _Young_ man? You're a few months older than I am," Taeyong fumed. "And... I'm your employer. The one who pays you handsomely to follow orders. Now bug off."

Taeyong tried to get past his manager but Johnny, all towering six feet and maybe some of him, filled the threshold by planting himself like an ancient Greek pillar.

"No. That look in your eyes says you want to be reacquainted with the dead monk named Dom Pérignon."

"Wh-what? I wasn't about to drink something weak," Taeyong faltered.

"A-ha! So you did plan to drink."

Taeyong rolled his eyes, getting miffed at his own slip. "I... wanted to go to a hospital."

Johnny's first instinct was to touch his cheek onto Taeyong's to feel his temperature. "Are you sick?"

"Get the fuck off me," Taeyong pushed Johnny, face aghast. "And get out of my way. I'm seeing someone there to get information."

Johnny straightened himself and frowned at Taeyong. "Wherever you go, I go and that's that."

"Damn it, Johnny I'm not a kid."

"No, you're a recovering alcoholic slash addict who needs constant watch lest you fall off the wagon. You've only been sober for less than two months," Johnny said with a more serious note. "Like it or not, I go with you everywhere. I might even have to come live with you now. It's not that I don't trust you, but I really do not. Jeez, just let me do my job. As your manager and as your only friend."

Taeyong sighed with a dour face and shrugged resignedly. "Fine. Do what you want."

"Good. That's how it's supposed to be," Johnny said with satisfaction then handed Taeyong a tumbler with a fat straw stuck in it after letting Taeyong through. "Here, I brought you some bubble milk tea."

"Fuck you," Taeyong said but took the tumbler and stomped off toward the elevators while sipping his tea.

"You're welcome," muttered Johnny while shutting the door and chasing after Taeyong. "Ugh, I'm not paid enough for this."

"Oh God I can't feel my legs," complained Johnny.

"You said you'll go with me wherever I go," reminded Taeyong with a smirk.

"You didn't fucking tell me we'd be driving all the way to Busan for hours!" Johnny whined. "So, are you sure we're at the right address?"

"The records officer at the hospital said this is the address of the attending physician of Areum when he was in a coma. He said this doctor took special care of Areum," said Taeyong. He felt his hand shake as he raised his hand to press the button and rang the bell. The house was relatively large, with two stories and a wide driveway judging from what can be seen from outside the gates. "Hmm... I hope the doctor can help us find Areum or at least lead us to someone who will. By the way you owe me two hundred dollars for that information," said Johnny as he stood beside Taeyong while trying to get some feeling back in his legs by shaking them.

"I already pay you too much."

"No you don't," Johnny retorted. "But... are you sure you're ready for this Taeyong?"

"I... maybe. We'll soon find out."

Johnny would have voiced out a proper response but a woman's voice on the intercom by the gate interrupted him.

"Who's there?"

"Ah, I'm Mr. Seo and this is Mr. Lee. We called earlier from the hospital in Seoul about some information we'd like to ask Doctor Kim please," Johnny called out and waving at the CCTV camera right above them.

"Alright, one moment," the voice said.

Taeyong looked anxiously at Johnny who gave him a small wink. "Don't worry, we don't look like we're robbers or serial killers so they should let us in."

That instant, the gate opened to reveal a stout motherly woman with white hair and a ready smile. "Please, follow me. Madam will see you now."

Taeyong had never felt so nervous in his life. He was beginning to feel the shakes once more but Johnny put an arm over his shoulders and gave him a little squeeze. Taeyong took a deep breath hoping it would calm him down.

They were led inside the house to what appeared to be the living room. A beautiful middle-aged woman with her shiny black hair tied in an intricate bun and smartly dressed sat on the couch sipping tea. When she saw the newcomers enter, she set her teacup down gracefully and stood up to greet them.

"Mr. Seo and Mr. Lee Taeyong, the renowned author," the woman beamed after she shook both Johnny's and Taeyong's hands. "Doctor Kim Eunlee. It's an honor to meet you. I'm a huge, huge fan of yours. I have read every single one of your books. So have my youngest."

"Thank you, Doctor Kim. I should be the one who's honored," Taeyong said with a tone of modesty. "But how did you..."

"I recognized you from the photos on your books. Please, make yourselves comfortable. I had tea prepared. I hope you like peppermint?"

They settled around the low coffee table while the housekeeper poured the tea for them and served an assortment of various flavored macarons. Mrs. Kim began gushing about the series of novels Taeyong had written so far and expressed her excitement and anticipation for the coming ones. Taeyong tried not to show his impatience and answered every question the doctor asked. Johnny sat quietly, sipping the steaming hot tea with his pinky pointing outward looking like he enjoyed the refreshments way too much.

Finally, he was able to muster enough courage to inquire about Areum. "Doctor Kim, I beg your pardon, but do you mind if I asked you about a patient you treated way back in 2008?"

"Oh, of course dear. Which patient would he be?" Doctor Kim set her teacup down and appeared to be all ears, ready to provide the answer.

However Taeyong's reply was interrupted by the sudden appearance of a familiar figure that made his heart leap to his throat.

"Mother, did you stow away my winter clothes? I can't find them in the closet. I need to pack those too," Jungwoo said as he walked into the living room and stopped with his jaw dropping at the sight of Taeyong and Johnny. Both had the same look of surprise on their faces. Taeyong's expression however, quickly changed from being startled to someone capable of wringing someone's neck. Preferably Jungwoo's.

None of the three men were able to speak, momentarily flabbergasted. Jungwoo was the first to recover and tried to make his face more expressionless when his mother turned to look at him. "I... I'm so sorry, Mother. I didn't realize you had... guests."

"Oh hi baby. Mr. Seo, Mr. Lee, this is my youngest son, Jungwoo. He is a nurse and as I mentioned earlier, also a great fan of Mr. Lee. Son, Mr. Lee is here with his manager Mr. Seo, in the flesh. Our favorite author!" Doctor Kim said excitedly.

"Thrilled to meet you both. Mr. Lee... I am an avid reader of your excellent and awe-inspiring works," Jungwoo said almost theatrically as he approached the small party and shook the hands of the men. Taeyong played along, but Jungwoo avoided any eye contact.

"Thank you. You are too kind," Taeyong said and prevented himself from gritting his teeth while he spoke. His eyes however, spoke volumes. Jungwoo licked his lips nervously.

"Jungwoo has the complete set of all your books, Mr. Lee. Those are his prized possessions and he keeps them in his room instead of in the study for fear someone might crease the pages," teased Jungwoo's mother.

"Mother, you exaggerate," uttered Jungwoo who looked faint all of a sudden.

"Really," Taeyong said with the corner of his lips ever so slightly quivering. "I'd love to see those."

"That would be wonderful," Johnny chided with his lips quirking.

"Really, I..." Jungwoo looked almost about to panic. "I need to pack. I'm leaving for the States in-"

"Honey, you're not leaving in the next two days," Doctor Kim reminded Jungwoo, much to the latter's chagrin. "It's not everyday you get to meet your favorite author. Show him your collection, dear."

"Yes, please do so, Mr. Kim," Johnny said encouragingly. A broad smile streaked across his face.

"I'd gladly sign every single one of them," Taeyong said with an almost evil grin. Obviously wanting to push Jungwoo into a corner for a proper confrontation.

"That, would be a great idea," Johnny butted in, clearly enjoying the scene. "It would be nice to get to... know each other."

"Oh he would definitely love that, Mr. Lee. If it isn't too much trouble for you, of course," Doctor Kim said, still having no idea of the undercurrent.

"The pleasure would be completely mine," Taeyong said with his eyes fixed on Jungwoo who began fidgeting.

"Jungwoo dear, you must show Mr. Lee your books now, before he changes his mind. Mr. Seo and I will continue discussing about sponsoring a possible book reading and signing for the patients and staff at the hospital."

Jungwoo looked pale but still managed to smile. "Of course Mother. Mr. Lee, if you'd kindly follow me please?"

"Oh, I definitely will," Taeyong whispered under his breath when he came close enough to Jungwoo so that only the latter could hear. Jungwoo merely pressed his lips together and turned on his heals to lead Taeyong up to his room.

Taeyong didn't realize that his fists were clenched at his sides and he had begun trembling while the two of them traipsed along the halls up the second floor to Jungwoo's room. Taeyong could feel his fury building. His pride was hurt and he felt like the jilted lover in a non-existent relationship. It was foolish and petty, yet Taeyong couldn't help feeling wounded by Jungwoo's careless note. Taeyong wants clarification. He knew in his heart he had fallen in love, only to be practically rejected. No, he had to keep calm. This was only a mild matter, nothing to it. He will ask Jungwoo why he left with just a note, and tell him outright how he was a coward and callous and irresponsible. That is all.

Jungwoo stopped and opened the door to his room, leaving the door open for Taeyong to follow. He turned to face Taeyong and took a deep breath before speaking.

"Look, I'm sorry I left you this morning without talking to you," Jungwoo began. "But before you speak, hear me out."

Taeyong folded his arms across his chest, miffed and bristling but kept quiet and listened.

Jungwoo paused to stare at Taeyong and almost made the latter melt before he began. The look read as though Jungwoo... missed him. _Taeyong you idiot stop imagining things. You're angry, so stay that way._

"You must know as a nurse, it is inappropriate for me to... to... engage with a patient. Especially one so vulnerable as you," Jungwoo said emphatically. "I could lose my license and knowing how improper and out of line it was to... seduce you, I was... am... wracked with guilt. What we did... was wrong and I am..."

"That note you left," Taeyong interrupted, unsatisfied with Jungwoo's 'explanation'. "That note where you admitted how you felt for me, loved me and broke up with me even before a whisper of a relationship had sprung between us, was childish and stupid."

Jungwoo's mouth dropped open but Taeyong continued. "You obviously are just scared shitless. You don't want to get involved because you're afraid and didn't know how to deal with your raw emotions and how you really feel about me. About us. What you mentioned about... seducing me? That only shows how you really just wanted a good fuck not minding nor caring about emotions, is that right? Or are you just afraid of leaping into a relationship with an alcoholic? That you can't handle having a broken man like me having to care for as a... a boyfriend? I already told you I loved you, yet you threw it out of the window. And then you eventually said you do love me, but can't have me. I need to know why."

Jungwoo watched Taeyong rant with a ragged breath and haven't said a word, but his eyes reveal a chord had been struck.

"Well? Haven't you anything to say for yourself except for your lame excuse that having a relationship with me is inappropriate?" asked Taeyong who was on the verge of tears. He realized now how hurt he really was, but he wasn't about to show it to Jungwoo. He won't expose how much he needed Jungwoo back.

"You obviously came all the way here to find me just to spew your anger at me," Jungwoo said softly. "I have nothing to else to say except I'm sorry, and I regret hurting you. If I could turn back the time, I wouldn't have... kissed you and made love with you. It's just... I can barely resist you, Taeyong. You were always just tempting and alluring. I spent the night with you not because like you say I just wanted a good fuck. I did it because... I do love you. But I can't stay with you. It's as simple as that. You are... were... my patient. It was wrong and I took advantage of you. I am truly sorry for everything."

Taeyong let Jungwoo's words sink in. It did make sense, what he was saying. Clearly, Jungwoo was a man of honor and was conscious of his decency. He really is a good man. Taeyong had to admire Jungwoo for standing up to his principles instead of accusing him of being a coward. But then, what he said earlier...

"Wait, I didn't come here to find you. I'm just as surprised to see you here," Taeyong blurted out. "I came here to see your Mother. I wanted to ask her about... never mind. It isn't important."

"Oh. I see," Jungwoo murmured. "Again, I'm really sorry, Taeyong. I care a lot about you, but..."

"Yeah, I get it. You're an _honorable_ man. Although, I'm no longer your patient so... anyway, it doesn't matter. And besides you're leaving too," Taeyong said wistfully.

"Yes, in two days. I... need a holiday." Jungwoo bit his lip, deep in thoughts he didn't seem to want to share. "But honestly, that's not all of it. There's really more to this than it seems, Taeyong."

Taeyong frowned. "What else could there be? You very well laid it all out, and there's obviously no way of me changing your mind."

"I too have issues," Jungwoo supplied. "I am... I belong to someone. My heart can't wholly be... I mean, I can't give my whole heart to you unless I... fix my self first. Resolve issues I had since..."

"What are you saying? Are you... like engaged?" asked Taeyong, with the little crease between his brows punctuating his statement.

"No. No, it isn't like that," Jungwoo said, seemingly frustrated with himself. "It's hard to explain. I do love you, but I can't give you my whole heart because it belongs to..."

"Stop. Just... forget it," Taeyong said with a tone of irritation. Jungwoo loved someone else, meaning he did just fuck with him. "I better go..."

"Taeyong... please, understand," Jungwoo called out softly as Taeyong turned his back on Jungwoo and began to leave, heading for the door, looking dejected. "I'm so sorry."

Taeyong paused without looking back. "I'm sorry too," Taeyong said before walking out of the door toward the living room.

Taeyong could feel his heart snapping in two and pressed his lips together. Somehow, this exchange hurt a hundred times more than when his ex broke up with him. Apparently, he had fallen in too deep. But then he stopped in his tracks when he realized something. Chills ran down his spine at what he noticed by the nightstand. _No. It can't be._

Taeyong backtracked and re-entered Jungwoo's room, ignoring the confused look from its owner. Taeyong went straight to what he had seen and picked up the picture frame beside the night lamp sitting on top of the nightstand.

"Hey please don't touch that," Jungwoo said anxiously. "Put it back please."

Taeyong ignored Jungwoo as he stared at the drawing inside the frame. He turned to look at Jungwoo with the strangest expression as he approached Jungwoo, showing him the frame. "Where did you get this?"

"Please put that thing back or give it to me," Jungwoo pleaded.

"I asked, where did you get this from? Who gave it to you?"

Jungwoo's face was marred with a frown and was anxious for Taeyong to give him back the frame. "It... it's mine. I've had it for a long while."

"For the last time, how did this drawing end up with you?" Taeyong's heart was beating wildly. This was all too unreal. If it were as he suspected... everything would fall into place. Everything will be better.

"It was given to me."

"By whom?" Taeyong asked softly as he stepped forward and closer to Jungwoo, who in turn stepped back until the his desk prevented him from going any further.

"Why are you acting strangely like..."

"Just answer me, Jungwoo. Who the fuck gave it to you?"

"A.. a friend. A dear friend gave it to me a long time ago, if you must know. It's a drawing he made of the... the two of us. He... gave it to me before... he perished in a fire."

Taeyong had to place the frame down on the desk lest he dropped it. His hands were shaking so badly now that he could barely control them. His throat felt parched. But he had to find out. He had to make sure.

"Tell me how he... died."

Jungwoo blinked in confusion, but he obliged. It was apparent to Taeyong that Jungwoo was now having difficulty to breathe as well. That he didn't seem to be comfortable speaking about it. Jungwoo sighed and suddenly had a faraway look, as though going back in time. "I... we were trapped in a room in an old building here in Busan. Fire was everywhere and we were huddled in a corner. A... a firefighter came to get us but of course he could only carry one of us. I pushed him toward the firefighter to save him. I... I..."

Tears were brimming in Jungwoo's eyes and Taeyong's heart went out to him. Taeyong wanted to hold him but he waited for Jungwoo to continue. Jungwoo cleared his throat and went on with his story.

"I was glad that he would be saved, but then... then as the fireman who was carrying him was walking toward the window to escape there was... a...," Jungwoo sobbed, pausing for a moment to take a deep breath.

"Go on, it's alright, Jungwoo," Taeyong said and held Jungwoo's shoulders to give them a light squeeze. "Please continue."

Jungwoo gazed at Taeyong and seemed to be encouraged by the way the latter looked at him and the comforting hands on his shoulders. Jungwoo then continued, "a beam crashed down to fall on the nearby bed that caught it... and... the flames grew and... and they were swallowed by it. I heard him... screaming my name. He kept crying out and calling out to me. I wanted to respond to him too but... but the smoke... I couldn't... breathe. Then I fainted. The next thing I knew, I was awake in a hospital bed."

All the while Jungwoo was sharing his story, he was staring back at Taeyong intently. They were both studying each other's face with poignant expressions.

"Tell me, Jungwoo," Taeyong said with a hoarse voice. "Tell me, what was the name your friend kept screaming."

Jungwoo blinked back the tears but failed, this time they fell unchecked. He tore his eyes from Taeyong and avoided the piercing gaze. Jungwoo took a deep breath before murmuring, "I... haven't said or heard that name for a long while. It... it's painful for me. It brings back memories that breaks my heart."

"The name... _your_ name," Taeyong whispered. Taeyong cupped Jungwoo's face to force him to look up. He wanted to see Jungwoo's face as he said the name that was so precious to him. "Tell me your name."

"Areum."

Fresh flow of tears began streaking down Jungwoo's face and Taeyong wiped them off with his thumbs while his own tears cascaded down his cheeks.

"M-my... my Areum," Taeyong sobbed. "I found you."

Jungwoo blinked back and tried to focus on Taeyong's face clearly. Confusion painted on his face. "Wh-what?"

"It's me...Young. The one who drew the sketch for you," Taeyong said, still caressing Jungwoo's cheeks.

"It... you... how is it possible? You... you died."

"Just as I thought you perished in the fire."

"Y-young?" Jungwoo said huskily, his hands snaking up to hold Taeyong's face. Jungwoo began running his fingers through the ash grey hair, touching as though he couldn't believe Taeyong was real. "B-but you... you were engulfed by..."

"No, Areum. I survived. As did you," Taeyong said as he inched closer. He felt giddy, overjoyed. He didn't care about anything else. All that mattered now was that he finally found his heart. His soul. "I've been searching all over for you, and all this time you were just there. With me."

"Young..." Jungwoo whispered. "I fell in love with the one I already have loved since the first time I saw him. I saw signs. I suspected it might really be you but... it was impossible to believe."

"I did too. I even saw you in my dreams. My dreams were telling me, it was you. I was just too blind to see." Taeyong smiled and pulled Jungwoo closer, their embrace almost cutting off air, but they didn't care. They had found each other. Taeyong then sought Jungwoo's lips in the sweetest of kisses. A kiss that expressed a lifetime of longing, of heartache and of joy. They clung onto one another as though their lives depended on it. They kissed as though they were the only ones who existed and the world was theirs alone. Their tears falling freely while their lips were locked in a sensual caress. Their tears were of contentment. Of love lost and found. And for Taeyong, the end of his painful suffering.

 

"...could be taking them so long," Doctor Kim's voice echoed through the hall.

"Maybe they are... discussing the books in full detail," was Johnny's reply. Johnny almost gasped at the sight that greeted him and turned to block the Doctor who was right behind him from viewing the scene.

"I can imagine. You know, my Jungwoo talked about those books endlessly. He simply loves Mr. Lee," Doctor Kim said almost adoringly. "My son can be very persuasive and indulgent at times. He could be _harassing_ poor Mr. Lee by now."

Johnny choked on his breath and took a glance at the lovers to see Jungwoo's hands grasping at Taeyong's buttocks while the latter was gnawing on Jungwoo's neck. Johnny shuddered and pulled the door behind him.

"Ah... perhaps we should let them ah... continue their discourse and exchange," Johnny said slyly while urging the doctor to go somewhere else. "Please give me a tour of your lovely home, Doctor. A long and detailed tour of your whole house, including the garden..."

 

-END-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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